HIM // wolfstar

34 when he had a panic attack

I love to kiss his nose.

I had been running all the way. The bus didn't go before a half hour, therefore I decided it was faster to run all the way to the hospital. Perhaps I should have called someone to drive me up there, but my mind couldn't come up with anything of the sort. All I knew was that I had to get to Sirius fast.

There is only one thing I need to tell.

I'm not cut out for running.

People are built differently and I'm just one of those people who can't run. It's a curse really, and I must have looked like a madman running into the hospital sweating and hair sticking to my forehead. I was panting rapidly and tried to at least get some air into my lungs.

In a heartbeat, Angeline was beside me, grabbed my arm and began dragging me towards the elevator and Sirius' room.

"Why are you first coming now?" she asked furiously.

"Sorry" was all I managed. We didn't run down the hallway but simply walked really fast. In a matter of seconds, we were in front of Sirius' door.

Angeline opened it but quickly shut it again. "He is having a panic attack" she stated calmly.

"What?!" I'm not really sure what a panic attack is, but it doesn't sound good. How bad is such a thing? What will happen and when will it end?

"Go in there, calm him down, but don't embrace him. It will just make it worse" her calm voice made me relax.

I took a deep breath and carefully opened the door. Sirius was sitting on the bed, his hands had a tight grip on his head and he was breathing rapidly. I don't think he saw or heard me enter. I walked quietly towards his bed and sat in front of him and made sure to have some distance between us, but not too much.

"Sirius?" nothing happened. "Sirius it's me. Remus" still nothing happened, and I was unsure if I could touch him, after all, Angeline had only told me to not embrace him. "Sirius, it's Remus. Remus is here" I tried and I think it helped a little bit. His breaths became slower. "Remus is here" I repeated. "I'm here."

The last part was a whisper, but it was what made Sirius stop catching after his breath. Instead, tears ran out of his eyes and he sobbed quietly. I didn't know what to do with my body and it was awful. When could I touch him again?

I had to do something. "Sirius?"

Suddenly his head jerked up. His eyes were red and puffy, we clearly shared the same miserableness. I swear it took all my willpower not to embrace him immediately.

"R-Remus?" his voice was only a whisper.

"I'm here" I confirmed and he let out another flow of tears.

"W-W-Why f-first n-n-now" Sirius was a crying mess and I couldn't handle it.

"I'm so sorry Sirius. The time ran from me, I didn't mean to" I felt so helpless. He was my boyfriend, how could I let him down like this? I'm supposed to make him happy - not the opposite. "It was only a little while-"

"BUT THAT'S WHAT HE SAID" Sirius seemed surprised of his own outburst, but that didn't stop dozens of more tears to appear in his perfect eyes. "H-He said he would come b-back quickly. He was only s-supposed to go for a little while." My boyfriend struggled to hold back tears. "B-But he didn't come b-back! He never came back!"

That's it. I couldn't take it anymore. Sirius just looked so lost, like he didn't know what to do with himself. He needed to know I was there, so I had to embrace him. I had to.

My arms were full of Sirius and I tried to calm him down the best I could. It was my fault he relived that moment from so many years ago, yet still haunted him probably more often than I was aware of. Sirius sobbed into my neck and I tried to hold him closer.