I Want Him

{chapter 11}

1923 words

SECRET
noun
-something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or seen by others

Saturday
18th Febuary pt.1

I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist as I walked over to my wardrobe. Grabbing a plain white tee and some joggers and putting them on. It was now 6:40pm and Jin would allegedly be here in 20 minutes, with that in mind I sat down to blow-dry my hair. 

I'd woken up unusually late that morning, so had only finished any school work I needed to do not long after six before getting my bag for Taehyungs ready and getting in the shower.

After what happened with my mother last night I couldn't sleep and needed some comfort so had decided to text Yoongi.The two of us stayed up talking until the early hours of the morning. I didn't tell him what had happened. He didn't even know I was upset but he didn't need to, he made me feel better regardless, without trying.

By the end of our conversation, I was able to fall asleep straight away and didn't think once of the events that I was before so preoccupied with.

My bag was on my bed and contained the clothes I would actually be wearing to the party, cologne, stuff like that; I couldn't leave the house in the clothes I was wearing tonight. In fact, my mother would most definitely not let me leave, as she'd know I was not simply going round to a friends. My hair now fully dry, I checked the contents of my bag once more, then sitting on my bed and waiting for Jin.

Not long after a knock could be heard on the door, looking up at the clock on my wall I could see that it was now I few minutes until seven . Quickly, I unplugged my phone and put it in my pocket, grabbing the charger and stuffing it in my bag. I made my way out of my room and grabbed my earphones on the way as I didn't like being out of the house without them.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs I went to say goodbye to my mother, presuming she would be in the living room as she usually is on a Saturday evening. Only to find her at the door, already talking to Jin. Of course. I mentally rolled my eyes. My mind travelling back to yesterday as a numbness settled itself on my cheek.

"Hi, Jimin" Jin called out, looking past my mother with a smile.

"Hi"

"We shouldn't be back to much later than this time tomorrow, maybe a few hours later" Jin affirmed with my mother.

"Of course, that's fine the two of you are old enough" she replied, Jin smiling in return.

"You ready?"

"Uh huh" I hummed, walking towards the pair "goodbye mom, I'll see you tomorrow" I spoke, forcing the words through my teeth as I struggled to find a natural tone.

"Bye, you two," she said shutting the door behind the both of us.

As we walked down the path to Jin's car I couldn't help but think of my mother. Just the simple things she does that show perfectly how she feels about me. My mind travelling back to yesterday, how her immediate response is about how she wouldn't want Jin's mom to worry or for anything to happen to him. 

Not concern for her own son. No urgency for your own childs well being, something that's supposed to be maternal instinct. I guess that same motherly urgency was replaced by spitefulness, and now she refuses to even see me as her son. She's been left scrambling desperately for a relationship that she has, well had, here already.

She's trying to love another child because she decided hers wasn't good enough.

"Oh I meant to text you last night, why did you tell my mom we were going shopping?" I asked once we were in the car.