Holding My Breath ~ Larry Stylinson

Chapter 15

***Dedicating this chapter to LiloLovin because quite frankly, her comments make me laugh and smile so much every time I read them. I know I dedicated Torn to you but omfg, you make my day every time you comment. Thanks for your support!:')***

HARRY'S POINT OF VIEW. I REPEAT, HARRY'S POINT OF VIEW.

As I closed the door, a tear fell down my face and I slowly slid down the door until my bum hit the floor. I pulled my knees up and held them there, crying into them. Why couldn't I forgive him? Why couldn't anything be normal between us? Ever? I cried and cried until the door vibrated against my back as he knocked again.  

"Just go home, Louis!" I screamed, my voice cracking as my curls stuck to my face with the tears.  

"Harry, love? What's the matter?" my mum rushed downstairs and hugged me on the floor. "Harry?" she asked as I stood up. 

"I'm gay, mum." I blurted out. It was the first time I'd said it to her. I ran up the stairs as she looked at me with shock. She didn't look disappointed. That's the only thing I took comfort in at that moment. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and everything started spinning. I had lost him. I kicked the bed and punched everything in sight, locking the door in between lashes.  

"FUCK!" I cursed loudly as I punched everything around me, ripping posters and old photos off of the wall. I felt my noisy cries escape my throat as I slammed things off of my shelves. I took one hand to my desk, pushing everything off I'm one swift movement.

"Harry, let me in!" my stepdad called, knocking on the door. I walked over and punched the door, leaving a small crack in the wood. "HARRY EDWARD STYLES." he said seriously. 

"Fuck off, you're not even my dad!" I screamed at the top of my lungs before weakly falling down onto my bed and putting my head in my hands, still sobbing. I noticed the stereo light up as I kicked it roughly. My favourite song, Free Falling' by John Mayer, started to play and I sniffed, tears silently falling. I looked over my previously perfect room, now destroyed by my violent outburst. In a matter of minutes I had ruined everything I had. I don't even mean the room, I mean my one true love. As I listened to the lyrics of the song, my eyes began to close and my heart began to slow its rapid pace. Even though it wasn't beating like a hummingbird anymore, it still hurt a lot. It was horrific knowing that I had nothing to live for anymore. I had lost not only Louis, but the rest of the boys too. Even the fans would probably hate me now, too. I took out my phone and looked at the background, it was a photo of me and Louis on the what makes you beautiful set. A tear fell onto the screen, over Louis' face. As I wiped it away with my thumb, my eyes focused on his beautiful smile.  

"What the fuck have we done..." I muttered to myself. I knew I could have fixed this right there and then. But I didn't. If I can't trust him, I can't have him. A slow gentle knock arrived at my door and I looked over. I saw a shadow over the crack in the door.

"Harry, come on." my mums soft voice called. I stood up and unlocked the door before returning to my bed, not saying a word. My mum came and sat next to me, hugging me affectionately. "It's okay, love." she whispered and I pulled away. 

"It's not mum." I shook my head. "I've lost everything."  

"Well your friend is downstairs. I thought maybe he could comfort you a bit. Although he looks quite upset himself...He says his name is Louis?" she replied, gesturing to the door. I chuckled lightly through my hoarse throat from the screaming. 

"He's... He was more than a friend, mum." I corrected myself quickly.  

"And he isn't now?" she looked confused. I shook my head weakly.