After I confessed to Steven, I felt so much more at ease but that didn't mean that I didn't feel embarrassed about anything. I am embarrassed that at my age, I have never had sex with anyone. Steven doesn't seem to mind but things have changed between us since I told him. He hasn't touched me like he used to, its as if he's afraid to touch me and for me to get the wrong idea or feel uncomfortable. Just because I am a virgin doesn't mean that I am uncomfortable when he touches me. In fact, it comforts me when he puts his hand on my leg and when he wraps his arms around me but now he's really stiff and I'm not sure where he stands with it. It has been a few days now and he hasn't even been to my house of in my trailer.
I had to talk to him again and reassure him that nothing about this changes anything about the way our relationship was before. Liv was unsure what had happened and she was afraid it was her fault no matter how much I reassured her it wasn't, she didn't listen to me. I had been on set filming most of the week and Liv had been going to school. Steven would avoid me as much as possible until it came to filming scenes together one of which had a kissing scene for Glenn and Maggie.
But today was different, I had cornered Steven, I had to talk to him about him acting so weird around me since I told him. I sat in his trailer watching the clock on the wall waiting for Steven to wrap up his last scene of the day so that I can catch him by surprise and make him talk to me.
I didn't have a plan on what I was going to say but I knew that whatever I did say was going to be from my heart and the things I am feeling about this situation. I didn't like the thought of him being disgusted and pull away from me when we've only just started to get closer and what about Liv? She would up mortified if I told her that we were no longer together.
I heard the door creek open and I stood up wringing my hands together. I started to sweat with nerves. I saw his face when he saw me stood in the middle of his trailer and he completely ignored me and walked past me avoiding my eyes. "We need to talk." I said turning and letting my eyes following him around as he busied himself.
"Not now, I just want to go home and rest. It's been a long day." He said and I rolled my eyes, we were not getting anywhere with all this.
"No, stop talking. We are doing this now. I don't care if you're tired. It's been a long few days for me. You're ignoring my calls and my texts. You are avoiding my house. You're avoiding me in general. If this is about me telling you I'm a virgin then just tell me." I said to him and I made him sit down next to me and still, he refused to meet my eyes. "Steven please," I begged.
"Look, it isn't about what you told me. It's about me. I'm not good enough for you. I can't take the most important thing a women could have. I don't want you to think this is your fault. I need time to wrap my head around this. But I promise you, it doesn't make me love you any less. I just have so much happening in my head I need to process it all. But once I have, you'll be the first to know. I promise." He said with a smile and I nodded at him. I wasn't sure what else to say.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable about this. But please don't take long, I have a 13 year old who asks for you on a daily basis." I said to him and grabbed his hands. "But next time, you need to come to me and talk to me about this. I need to know its not me that's causing you to avoid me."
"I promise."
