falling in leaves

sixty seven

"hope"

While preparing myself to leave for three months, I found myself cherishing every little moment with everyone. That included every game night shared with my boys, every afternoon and evening spent with my children, and every bit of communication had with Ava.

I knew that three months would fly, and I'd be back home before I knew it, but who knew where these three months would take me? This time spent doing shows and networking over seas could change my life. . . and subsequently, all of my loved ones' lives too.

Maybe I'd become too busy to keep up with letters and international phone calls. Maybe I'd change. Maybe they all would change too.

The thought of such events caused anxiety to fester within me. Adaptation wasn't a thing for me— I'm sure after a while I'll blend in with those Londoners with ease. . . but the unknown results of that adaptation are the cause of this fear that caused butterflies to awaken within me.

My priorities could shift, and after having them all out of wack for the majority of my life, I was not going back to those circumstances. My relationships could change, and I started feeling as though I couldn't afford that, especially since all the relationships I still had served as my core support system.

Whatever would happen, I hoped it would be for the better.

Currently, I was making time to kick it with Ava for what would be the last time before I'd be out to London.

I pulled up to a diner in Harlem, getting out and assisting Ava out of the vehicle. Joining her hand with mine, I led the way inside and picked a booth for us to sit in.

She smiled upon sitting across from me. "It's been a minute since we've been here, huh?"
"Yeah. . . but it feels like just yesterday," I smiled slightly.

Her smile became a grin as we were approached by a waitress asking what we'd like for drinks. We gave our drinks of choice, opting out on menus since we both already knew what we wanted to eat.

Our "usual": steak and potatoes and broccoli, and our dessert consisted of a cupcake for each of us. Afterwards, I drove her Upstate.

I barely came here while growing up, but the one time I did, there was this certain connection I felt with myself and the universe and my inner desire to live in the suburbs. I remember thinking how good the people who lived here probably had it. I remember thinking that this was exactly the kind of place I assumed Violet came from. I remember imagining myself in these circumstances and floating on air at just the thought.

I found a place to park and sit to enjoy nature for what it was. We got out of my vehicle and just sat on a big rock that was stationed in what appeared to be a clearing. We enjoyed looking at the grass that'd grown tall as it swayed with the wind. We enjoyed listening to bird chirp overhead. A little more shade would've been nice but I wasn't complaining in the slightest.