Not Another High School Love Story

30. Don't Poke the Bear

My life continues changing in the way I've come accustomed to by now. It's not that anything is different, it's more of a change taking place within me. With prom over the school's pretty much returning to normal, and we're all just trying to make it through the next two months until the year ends—for better or worse. I heard Madison threw a huge fit when she didn't win prom queen, which makes me laugh, but I'm still pretty sure Brent would've won had he been able to accept his crown. He hadn't been though, he picked me instead, and after the dance in the parking lot we spent the most beautiful night together. It was all very special. Yet things are starting to calm down now, like I said, even though the chaos in my head has never been louder.

I'm not deaf, I heard the quiet murmurs when I got to school this morning, I know people are talking about me. More importantly, they're talking about who I danced with. The waves I get in the hallway are tentative, and I know I have to be extra cautious for a while. I was happy to have Brent to myself for as long as it lasted, but ever since baseball season started the jocks have been out in full force. There had been an unusual sense of peace throughout the winter, almost like they were hibernating, but they're finally awake and ready to find a fresh kill. I don't want that kill to be me.

With every rumor spread about me I'm afraid I'll be an easy target, even after my rise to a new social station, but I'm not scared of the truth. I just don't think anybody wants to get the shit kicked out of them. Still, I'm pushing ahead despite the whispers, I'm actually trying to desensitize myself to what everyone else thinks. I'm not angry anymore, not really, I just feel sick. A lie can only be trapped for so long before it starts to fester, and the stone that's always hung around my neck is now the same one sitting in my stomach. Part of me is ready to stop hiding, but the jocks are hungry.

Habits aren't always a bad thing, and I've regressed into my antisocial bubble to weather the storm. Better safe than sorry, right? Besides, things are going pretty well for me, I've got a lot more to keep me occupied than the personal crisis I face. Ms. Montgomery and I had a nice, quiet weekend together, and it's kind of awesome she didn't even ask about me not coming home on prom night. I'm glad I don't have to feel guilty about staying with Brent, I can just focus on how good it was. It's not all about the sex either, I just like being close to him, it's all I can think about. Especially right now, class is about to end and he's still the only thing on my mind.

His lips, his eyes, the way he touches me. Its way more important than whatever math equation I'm supposed to be learning, so I pay closer attention to the note I'm writing. I barely get it finished when the bell rings, and I hurry out of the door as I zip through the halls with my head down. Brent's locker looks free and clear, so I sneak over as I get ready to slip the note in, but a hand slaps my back hard before Marcus comes into full view in front of me.

"What's up, homo?" He sneers, amused with himself. Two of his friends are standing behind me or I would just turn around and leave, but I'm boxed in and forced to face their master. "So what the hell are you doing in my hallway?"

"I'm just heading to class, I don't want any trouble." I look him in the eye, the way I learned from watching the nature channel. Just to be sure I make myself look taller too. The game Brent and I have been playing is dangerous, I made a plan to deal with this situation a long time ago. Without drawing his attention I switch my book to my other hand, concealing the note beneath it as I give him a bored stare.

"Trouble? What trouble? We're all friends here. Hey, I heard a nasty rumor you like kissing guys." His scent of whiskey and cigarettes sickens me when he comes closer than I'm comfortable with, but I can't do anything about it while he and his goons snicker. Apparently he thinks he'll have better luck bullying me this time as he puckers up his lips. "You going to make me beg?"