everytime i hold you tight,
it just doesn't feel right.
you're in my memory,
but can you remember me?
- in which two broken souls started finding their way home.
there was no time to be disappointed after i received a sudden call from my aunt. here i am, running down the street in order to get to her house quickly. i just got out of the bus and i can already see the familiar path of this town.
it was an emergency and i quickly went out of the room after hearing her desperate, out of breath call. i wasn't able to tell kuroo or kenma since they're all sleeping. it was still pretty early, so i'm hoping that she's still hanging on there, not giving up.
and right when i unlocked the door of her house, her slumped figure on the floor made my heart drop to my stomach.
"auntie!" i cried and ran towards her, she was unconscious and not responding, but her pulse was still beating.
there was still hope, despite my desperate cries for help, i gathered courage and strength to take out my phone and call for an ambulance. i was holding her in my arms, feeling the cold skin making contact with mine. she was pale, paler than snow itself, her lips started to become dark and colorless.
but as long as i can hear her heartbeats, i won't lose hope.
because i can't open my eyes and watch another one of my love ones die.
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"(l/n)? where did you go? are you okay? what time are you coming home? should we pick you up?"
i was bombarded by so many questions from kuroo as i held my phone away from my ear because of his loud and concerned voice. i smiled a bit and took a deep breath, watching the doctor and nurses walking inside the room in front of me.
"i'm fine, i'm at the hospital—"
"you're what?!" he quickly panicked and i heard the footsteps of other members running towards him, asking him questions too, but he shushed them.
"my aunt fainted and she needed my help. i'm sorry, i might not be able to watch the match." i sighed and to be honest, i'm disappointed.
it was the first time of watching them play again, even if it was just a practice match, but i'm still not there to watch it. however, the sound of the beeping machine bothered me more and the weak woman laying quietly on the bed.
i'm scared that if i turn my back for just a second, the beeping machine might stop and i'll have to see that straight line once again.
i'm scared that this time, i might completely break down.
"will she be okay?" i asked the doctor that came out of the room.
according to him, she fainted due to countless of sleepless nights and stress from work also. my aunt has insomnia and she would always drink sleeping pills in order to get a good sleep. though these days, i do notice that she's been getting skinnier and paler, but she assured me that she was okay.
and i fell for that excuse once again. i was fooled by a fake smile and gloomy eyes. for the second time, i turned my back on someone who i could've help sooner.
"auntie, i'm sorry." i cried my heart out in front of her as her eyes watched me sobbed with my hands reaching to hold hers.
"i'm sorry, i should've known that you're not well." my voice cracked, it was shaking, i was trembling and all because of fear and guilt.
"it's not your fault, (f/n)." she said in a weak tone of voice, her hand was light and cold. i was relieved to see the color on her face and lips coming back.
but the sound of the machine still bothered me.
"thank you for coming," she smiled, but her eyes are too weak and dark for me to stare at, "i shouldn't have bothered you, but seeing you here really makes me feel relieved."
"i know how your mother feels now."
i didn't know if she was talking about how my mother last saw me by her side, or if it's mom's last moment on her bed.
"you can go now, i called your uncle, he'll look after me."
i shook my head furiously, not letting go of her hand since i didn't want to turn my back on her this time. i didn't want to make the same mistake i did three years ago.
"i'll stay here." i mumbled and she rubbed my hand with her thumb, assuring me that she's fine.
"i'll live, (f/n). you won't come back here with that news again."
despite my pleading, even uncle reassured me that they'll be fine. as much as i didn't want to give up, i already left the hospital since it was her wish. my aunt has never pressured me, she wanted me to live the life of a teenager.
she wanted me to be free and at peace, but i don't think i've achieved that kind of life yet.
"kuroo, are you guys still playing?" i mumbled and heard whistles and shoes squeaking on the other side.
"yeah, are you okay?" he asked in a concerned tone.
"i'm fine, i'll catch up there." i said and heard the coach calling for him.
"alright, take care. it's the last match by the way, see ya (l/n)."
and after ending the call, i ran. i didn't want to miss the opportunity of seeing him in their last match because who knows, this might be the last time i'll see him.
