butterfly; tsukishima kei

06

the movement was slow, yet beautiful. it was a scenery, a euphoric feeling of being at peace. a bit of orange and blue painting the sky, mixing together to create a masterpiece; an art indeed. and the world gave her the meaning and view, but she failed to see the art within her, lingering and ready to be found soon.

and the sky would cry, it will grow louder and darker. the raindrops that held guilt and fear, the sound of her own sobs getting covered by the thunder above. the girl was fragile, so weak that even the touch of raindrops made her feel more lonely.

i'm that girl.

i saw how twisted fate must be. i saw how the sky turned from light to dark, just like my own life and the world itself. i failed to see the beauty within me, so i accepted the ugliness thrown at me. i painted those horrible words on my skin, creating scars that i can never forget. i let those cracks appear, not letting anyone cover or heal it for me.

because i'm afraid they'll break me more.

and it's been another week without light, without hope. another week of not being able to see those colorful wings fly towards me. i no longer want to wait, if i had to reach for it first, then i won't hesitate to stretch my arm out.

the sound of the rain pounding outside made me feel at peace. each step creating a splash as the raindrops above hit my umbrella. the train station was oddly not packed today, perhaps it was because of the weather and it's a weekend.

i closed my umbrella, letting the tiny raindrops run down my skin. it was cold and soothing, making me feel human for once, letting me know that i still have emotions for small and unique things in this world.

i stood on the other side, patiently waiting for the train to come. it was a bit empty, with some people coming downstairs, leaving me alone here. despite the clock hitting twelve o'clock pm, it was dark outside, no sign of sun or sunlight.

the only sound i can hear is the pitter patter coming from the roof and outside. the sound of footsteps leaving the train station as i sighed, averting my attention towards the other side. the train's noise came, its lights signalling the entrance of it. as it pass by in a fast motion, i noticed that the inside was a bit empty, only a few people gathered up to exit.

and my heart stopped at the familiar figure that exited. as the train pass by, leaving my view, he barely walked away when he turned around to meet my shock figure. his eyes widened in surprise at seeing me again, but what comes into my mind first is what was he doing here in tokyo?

his white headphones was on, but he took it off upon seeing me standing on the other side.

"tsukishima," my voice echoed a bit in the empty station, "what are you doing here?"

i wasn't complaining on seeing him, in fact i feel flustered as butterflies filled my stomach. it felt like a year without being able to meet or see him. it was only an admiration, a crush that developed when we met at the flower shop.

and i'm pretty sure i'm the only one feeling this crazy emotions inside me.

he seems to be a bit startled when i called him, not really expecting a conversation in a place like this, especially our distance.

"visiting." he answered with a blank face as he looked away.

i expected him to walk away after, but he just stood there on his spot, like he was waiting for another topic to rise. and i spoke to stop him from going, as i should.

"who?" i blurted out, tugging at the hem of my shirt. i'm an awkward person and starting a conversation first isn't really my thing.

"someone i know." the blunt tone was still lingering in his voice, it was always there from the start of our conversation.

"a relative?" i asked with a small smile on my face to brighten up the mood, but the thunder from outside made it even gloomier.

"no," he quickly said, "a girl."

oh.

at that moment, i didn't know if it's the sound of a train coming or my heart breaking is what i heard. but i do know that my smile quickly dropped at his response. however, i have no rights to get mad or feel upset, because he was never mine to begin with.

it was only me who admired him and i'm just a random girl who he kept on seeing for some reason.

as the lights came that signalled the train's entrance, i forced a smile on my face and looked at him, "okay, take care then."

in a fast motion, the train block the magnificent, yet heartbreaking view in front of me. i bit my bottom lip and sighed, stepping inside once the door slid open. from my spot, i can see his figure walking away towards the stairs.

i hear the sound of the door behind me closing and i took a seat, my eyes never leaving his tall figure. i feel the start of the train leaving and before i can release another sigh, he stopped on his track and glanced at my direction.

his eyes softened and he sighed.