butterfly; tsukishima kei

23

pitter patter.

the sound of the rain crashing down again as the sky became dark and loud. a week has passed and nothing became easier, nothing had light in it at the end. i would stare in horror at the pitch blackness that surrounds me.

i was once again in a hospital, but no longer in miyagi. i'm still in tokyo and my father's weak and pale figure lay in front of me. i stared blankly, lost and broken. so many thoughts entered my mind and i feel like breaking down once again, but i couldn't.

there was no tears coming out, only the sound of my heart aching. i'm so tired, i want to give up. in the end, i feel like it would be just me standing at the end of the finish line. no one cheering for me, no one running behind me.

"dad..." i called out, "wake up."

seeing him laying like a light feather, getting blown away by the wind, slowly becoming higher and further away from me. i cried inside as i held his hand. i regretted not giving him much love, i regretted getting mad at him despite seeing his hardworks. i regretted not being able to bond with him like a father and daughter would do.

i regretted not being able to save a loved one once again.

the sound of my phone vibrating caught my attention as i answered a call, "hello?"

"i'm at tokyo."

tsukishima's voice appeared on the other side and my eyes widened at his words, "what are you doing here? you should be—"

"meet me, i'm already at the train station."

his words are blunt, no expression, no mocking nor teasing. just a cold and emotionless one that sent shivers down my spine. if only i knew the big storm that's ahead of me. if only i was prepared to get played by cupid once again.

"i'll be back, dad."

with a kiss on his forehead, i ran out of the room and dashed outside. i opened my umbrella and felt the splash on each puddle that i stepped on. the rain was loud, it was no longer peaceful nor calm, it was dangerous and angry. the sky wasn't crying, it was shouting at us.

as i see the train station becoming near, i feel my heart pounding in nervousness. before i can even run faster, his figure appeared as he walked towards me. i was startled before stopping on my tracks to face him.

"what's wrong?" my eyebrows furrowed and i took a step forward while he only stayed glued to his spot.

my eyes widened when i didn't see any umbrella on him. he let the raindrops run down his skin and the sky to shout at him. at that moment, i couldn't tell which one are tears and droplets of water.

i ran towards him and held the umbrella higher above him. but as he slapped it away and stared at me emotionless, my heart almost dropped at his next words.

"let's stop this."

i couldn't seem to bring my attention back on my umbrella and instead, my eyes widened at his words. i felt the rain pounding loudly on us, hitting our helpless figure who seems to get used to getting cried and shouted at.

"what?" my voice was shaking as it cracked.

"let's stop seeing each other." he bluntly said, staring right into my soul, not daring to look away as if telling me that he means what he's saying.

i scoffed with a hint of pain lingering in my voice, "you're funny. i won't do that. not when we need each other the most right now."

there was no smirk, no mocking, no expression plastered on his face. just a blank and cold one that pierced my soul, "we don't need each other. we're just making it worse." his voice trailed off at the end.

"so you think it'll be better if we part ways?" i spoke with bitterness filling my words and voice.

i could feel the droplets of water running down my skin, slowly becoming one with the water on the ground, "you think we're better off without each other?" my voice broke.

"yes."

he spoke that word, so simple, so easy and nothing for him. he answered my question like it was a basic math problem. he answered with no hesitation heard on his voice and seen on his face.

and i started wondering if it's really cupid who shot him.

"i won't do that." i was stubborn, "i w-won't leave you."

and he started to move away from his spot, away from me with my heart still following him, "well i will." blank.

"tsukishima!" i cried out, the tears that's been blending in with the raindrops was finally noticeable, "how is this so easy for you?"

he stopped on his track.

"i don't want to leave you! even if you keep pushing me away, i'll still come back." my whole body was trembling and my voice was shaking in fear of seeing him walk away from me for the last time.

"don't leave me." i mumbled, "when i'm with you, i feel—"

"stop thinking about how you feel and ask other people's feelings for once!" his voice finally became loud and frustrated, the first emotion that he gave me today.

"stop being selfish."

snap.

my lips went into a line, my voice disappearing as i brought my hand down from reaching him. i stared at his back facing me, i watched if he was trembling nor shaking from his words. i wonder if he knows what he's saying as he walked away from me even more.

"i'm not selfish." i mumbled, "it's just that... i thought you feel the same way i do."

and he stopped on his track while my eyes stayed glued to the wet ground, watching each drop that fell on it.

"i thought this was love," i laughed sarcastically, "i guess i misunderstood."

"even if we became together, there's no guarantee that we will last." he spoke bluntly and i clenched my fist at his words.

"at this point," i was broken, "there's also no guarantee that we will be in a relationship."

"and it's all because you're giving up."

those words left my mouth with no hint of sadness nor anger. just bluntly coming out and shooting him from the back. my eyes stayed glued to the ground, feeling my own tears escaping my eyes as it blended well with the raindrops.

and i hear footsteps approaching me, with the rain stopping from falling above me.

"let's forget that we met each other." he spoke softly, grabbing my wrist and letting me hold the umbrella, "let's forget the flower shop, the train station and the ocean."

i stared at him, his eyes finally meeting mine for awhile in sincerity, "and let's meet in the future as a better person."

and i watched his figure finally walk away completely this time. i felt how my grip on my umbrella become weaker at his words that was engraved inside my mind. i turn my back from his figure too and walked away with my heart still on him.

if only i turned my back that time, i could've seen the look of despair and sorrow on his face. but the only sound i hear is the raindrops hitting the ground.
pitter patter.

and not the sound of his tears slowly falling down.