Staring at the sun // 1D & 5SOS

Noah

Zayn’s P.O.V

I wake up and within seconds I’m on my feet. I leave the shelter as quietly as possible because I know I’ll break down completely if I have to talk to someone now. THe same dream, the same memory, has been playing in my head for days now, everytime I sleep I’m back there, but tonight it’s so much worse. I’ve kept track of the days since Rian and Liam’s birthday and I know it’s today. It’s already been a year.

“Zayn?” I pause the game I’m playing and put down the controller when I hear the low whisper coming from the front door. Something about Perrie’s voice tells me something’s really wrong, something’s really really wrong. I get up from the couch and walk out of the livingroom. She’s standing by the door, holding a small envelope. “Can we...take a walk?” Her eyes are filled with tears and her hands are shaking slightly, but I know she won’t tell me yet, if she were going to I would already know, so I just nod and put my shoes on, not bothering with a jacket. We leave the apartment and start walking towards the park. I keep looking over at her but she keeps her eyes on the ground and I can tell she’s struggling to hold back the tears.

“Whatever it is we’ll get through it together Pez.” I say as I take her hand. She doesn’t look up from the ground but she nods and holds my hand.

We get to the park after a few minutes and she keeps walking until we reach the small pond near the south entrance. She then let go of my hand and turn so that we’re standing face to face.

“Remember...how I haven’t been feeling too good lately?” She asks and I nod. She’s been tired and sick a lot more than usual and it’s been worrying me. “Well it’s because I’m...I’m pregnant.” her voice isn’t louder than a whisper and I stare at her in shock, trying my best to process what she just said.  “Zayn?”

“What are you...what are you going to do?” I manage to choke out after what feels like hours. “What’s in the envelope?” She opens the envelope and hands me a small photo of some grey and black stuff.

“I don’t know. We’re so young and we haven’t been together for long and I don’t know what you want to do but I can’t….I can’t kill him Zayn, I just can’t. It’s alright if you don’t want to but I’m not…” I cut her off by kissing her.

“So you’re telling me I’m going to be a dad?” I ask her and she slowly nods. “Oh my god. Oh my god Perrie that’s amazing!” I pull her in for a hug and lift her up, spinning around. “I love you so much, so so much!”

I try to run as soon as I get out of camp but I don’t get very far before I feel like I just can’t move anymore and I sit down with my back against a tree. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them and try to breathe as sobs rip through my body. It’s been a year, it’s been a whole year since the happiest day in my life, and so much has changed.

“Wake up Zaynie.” I groan and roll over in an attempt to block out the light and go back to sleep. “Wake up babe, it’s your birthday.” I feel the bed shift slightly as she lays down next to me. “I’ve already let you sleep til noon, you mum wanted to wake you up at eight, it’s time to get up now.” She starts drawing patterns on my back, making me shiver slightly and pull the covers up higher. She sighs and I feel the bed shift again as she gets up and leaves the room, and I consider getting up and going after her but the bed is so warm and before I get a chance to do it I fall asleep again. I don’t sleep for long this time though, it can’t have been more than half an hour, before waking up again. Perrie is laying in the bed again and I have my head on her chest as she’s running her fingers through my hair. “Hi.” her voice is soft and she doesn't seem upset with me, she just keeps running her fingers through my hair. I smile and move down a little so that I can kiss the growing babybump before sitting up and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I made you some breakfast.” She says, gesturing at the small tray that’s standing on the bedside table.