Talk to me!

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The next morning I woke up before carli so I took a quick shower before going to speak to Jill. I told her that I wanted my own room as I needed it for work( this was a lie but she didn't know what my job was so she believed me) I also told her I would pay for the room I just needed it and she let me. So I quickly ran back to my room packed up all my stuff before carli woke up and transferred it to my new room. I had to stay away from her, I thought we could be something but I just hurt everyone I care about.
After I had finished unpacking I decided to go for a walk, we have another game tommorow so that means no training today as jill wanted us to take it easy and make sure no one got hurt before the game. I kept walking down the street until I reached a park. I sat down on the bench took out a cigarette and lit it. This park reminds me of the park my mum used to take me too when I was little, when I was happy, when I was innocent and didn't know what the real world was like. I don't know long I sat there for but when it started to get dark I realised I had to get back before Jill sent people looking for me and I didn't need that.
I was just about to step into the elevator when I heard someone behind me speak " Caitlin, why did you move rooms, I thought we were getting somewhere?". I could hear the sadness in Carli's voice, and I knew what I said next would hurt her but it was for the best, I had to protect her even if that meant breaking her heart, that way she would be safe from the grenade that is myself. " I lied carli I don't like you and I never will so leave me alone" I told her in the coldest voice I could muster, I had my back to her so she couldn't see the silent tears running down my cheeks as the words came out my mouth. I wanted to take them
back tell her I'm sorry and hug her but I knew this was for the best I couldn't allow her to get hurt. Her tears however were far from silent I could hear her sobs from behind me and it was slowly breaking my heart.
Not being able to bare listening to her cry anymore I stepped into the elevator and went up to my room. As soon as the door was shut and locked I burst into tears, tears full of sadness,shame and anger. Anger for my issues and problems, shame for hurting her and sadness that I couldn't be with the one person I cared about deeply. Once the tears stopped, I hung up my portable punching back and started getting hits in, to help my training and to release all the emotions the only way I knew how.
An hour later I had just got out the shower and was about to go eat as I hadn't eaten since before the fight the day before, when there was a knock on my door.
I opened it quickly and came face to face with a very angry hope solo, oh shit I'm dead. I knew I deserved whatever she was going to do so I just stood there and waited. When she drew back her fist and punched me in the face, I accepted it not trying to block the punch as I knew I deserved it plus I have had enough beatings from my father to know how to take a punch. It was a hard blow and made me stumble back slightly but I kept my composure. " how dare you lie to her and break her heart she hasn't stopped crying since she spoke to you! How could you do that to her !" She shouted in my face venom seeping through every word she said. " everything I said to her was the truth, now if you excuse me I need to go eat something" I replied calmly trying not to break down infront of her and tell her the truth about why I couldn't be with carli. When she didn't say anything but glare at me I squeezed my way past and went into the dining area.
As soon as I entered almost everyone was giving me death glares and I didn't blame them what I did was really bitchy, but I had to protect carli from the monster that is myself and this was the only way to do it. With a sigh I grabbed an apple, not really having an appetite and sat as far away from the others as I possible could. I could still feel the burning pairs of eyes on my back, but I didn't dare turn around as they would see the tears escaping from the corners of my eyes.
I couldn't be in there anymore I had to leave, I had to talk to the one person that was always there for me my mum.
With that I calmly walked out of the room before sprinting out of the hotel and down the road to the grave yard tears steaming down my face.
Once I reached my mums grave I collapsed on the ground infront of it. " oh mum, I need you, I'm turning into a monster just like him! I met a girl, her name is carli, I think-I think I love her mum, but I had to leave her otherwise I would hurt her just like he did to you, and I couldn't have that, I have to protect her from myself, mum I almost hit her! What kind of a monster am I!" I screamed while lying down on the floor. I took out my phone and saw in the reflection that I had a dark purple bruise on my jaw from where hope had hit me, damn that looked bad.
Wiping my tears I stood up and made my way back to the hotel, sitting outside on a bench was ash, she looked deep in thought so I decided to leave her be considering everyone hated me at the moment and just go back to my room.
As I was about to step into the hotel I heard her call my name, so I walked over and sat next to her. " what's up ash? If your gonna hit me get it over with already" I said tired and heartbroken. " I know your lying and that you care about carli I can see it in your eyes, so I want you to tell me the truth" ash replied, I looked at her in shock, but then I sighed. I would be grateful for at least one person on the team not to hate me so why not. So I told her everything about fighting, my anger issues, my abusive father, I even told her the story of my mother which took a while as I choked up during every sentence, i had never told that story out loud before, no one on the team even knew she was dead. Ash sat there patiently holding me in her arms and listening to everything I had to say. By the end of it we were both in tears and she was sad about everything I had to go through and even though she said she understood why I did what I did to carli, she still said I had to tell carli the truth. " ash I can't! I have to protect her ! You heard what my dad did to my mum and me! What if I do that to her! I could never live with myself! I'm a monster just like him and she doesn't deserve that!" I shouted while she just looked at me with a smirk on my face. " well too bad Caitlin because she has been listening to every single part of the conversation, staring from when you first sat down on the bench". That when I froze, she heard everything ? Even the story about my mum?! Oh god but now she won't stay away, now she won't be safe from me! Suddenly I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist and a head lay on my shoulder " Caitlin I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through, but I won't leave you, I love you and I'm not going anywhere" she whispered tears at the corner of her eyes. " but I almost hit you! You are supposed to hate me!" I replied choking up. " Caitlin when I said I would help you with your anger I meant it I love you and I'm not going anywhere now shut up and kiss me" She said while grabbing both sides of my face and pulling me into a overwhelming, heart warming kiss.

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A longer chapter today guys! So what do you think? Let me know if there is any changes you would like me to make ! Do you think carli and Caitlin with last? Will hope allow it ?

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