Accept Me As I Am

Chapter 1

Shanelle McGee stood in her bathroom mirror looking at herself, hoping that her boyfriend Roderick of six years would see what she saw, wondering if he would actually touch her the way he once had. She wanted him to call her beautiful and tell her he loved her and make it sound like he actually meant it. She didn't just want to hear the words, she needed to feel them. She wanted to feel desired and loved just like everybody else, was that wrong of her to want?

"Guess it's now or never," she said as she fluffed up her freshly curled hair, making sure that everything was where it needed to be before she headed out of the bathroom to hopefully get things rolling with her man.

Shanelle wasn't an ugly woman at all, she was far from it. In fact she was very beautiful, a very beautiful plus size woman. She had clear caramel skin and a megawatt smile that lit up her light brown eyes like the fourth of July.

From a distance all you could see was her beautiful smile but if you happened to look closer, you'd see a depressed and saddened woman who longed to be loved. Shanelle hid her sadness from those who didn't know her, only her true friends knew how unhappy she was.

If only she knew and understood that she was better than the situation she was going through she would drop the source of all her hurt and pain quick fast and in a hurry. Like the saying goes, 'love is blind, but the neighbors aren't.' Shanelle and Shanelle alone is the only person that can change her situation.

Upon opening the bathroom door, Shanelle saw Roderick sitting on the bed putting a fresh pair of sneakers on, not paying her any mind. She mentally shook herself and walked into the bedroom, determined not to let Roderick's cavalier attitude deter her from her goal.

Shanelle, everything is going to be ok. Breathe and relax, she said to herself as she walked over to Roderick, tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

Roderick was a very handsome man. He stood at a six foot even, with warm cinnamon colored skin that stretched over a well-muscled body and a gorgeous set of dimples that went well with his bright smile.

When Roderick looked up, a frown found its way onto his handsome face almost instantly. "What in the hell do you have on?" he asked.

Shanelle was taken aback by the harshness in his tone for a few moments before she let a small smile pull at her glossed lips.

"This is all for you baby," she replied twirling around slowly for Roderick to get a good look at her womanly attributes in the thin negligee. "What do you think?"

Roderick shook his head as he
stood up, placing his cellphone in his back pocket with a look of disgust marring his features. "I think you need to take that shit off, is what I think."

Shanelle didn't know what to say. She thought he'd actually like what she had on. It was after all marked in a Vivian's Delight's catalog. Why else would he mark it if he didn't want to see her in it?

"Why would you even go out and buy something like that fully knowing you don't have the shape or size for it? Let me guess, your little friends told you it was cute, right?"

Shanelle could actually feel her heart breaking little by little as his words dug into her already breaking heart. She blinked back that tears that she knew were sure to come.

"I just thought– I thought you'd like it. I mean you haven't touched me in months and I just wanted you to hold me, to show me that you still cared about me," she replied hanging her head. "I thought maybe if I tried to dress sexy for you, you'd want to make love the way we use to, you know?"

Roderick let out a bitter laugh. "Exactly why would I want to have sex with you? I barely want to sleep in the same bed with you as it is. Look at you," he said pointing at her thick thighs and her rounded tummy. "You call this sexy? No. Baby this isn't sexy, it's nasty. How could you even begin to think this was sexy?"