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❝happiness is just an illusion.❞
SINCERELY GONE, LOGAN FAYE CURTIS.
With trembling hands, flooded eyes, and a fast pounding heartbeat, I read each and every line of the suicide note that my sister had left behind. I wish I could defy the laws of the universe and bring my sister back.
I closed Logan's diary, running a hand through my reddish-brown hair. I looked down at her grave, reaching out to touch the tombstone.
"Hey, Logie-Bear." I whispered, looking down at the fresh mound of dirt under her gray, cracked tombstone. I ran my hand over the dying flowers in my shaking hand, a few tears swelling up in my gray eyes. I gently placed the flowers down by her tombstone, sighing slightly, "I'm sorry that these flowers look so broken. I decided that I'd bring you these so they'd remind you of me. I'm shattered without you."
I ran a hand through my reddish-brown hair again, trying to calm myself down, trying to think of words to say to my twin sister, who I missed dearly. It's only been a week without my other half, and just as I feel myself finally getting over her death, I'm bumped right back to the beginning, like the emotional wreck I was the first few days that she was gone.
"Darry's doing an amazing job taking care of us. He's grown up a lot in the past week, Logan. Soda, on the other hand, has grown up just a little bit. I don't know which is better; I guess I'll find out soon. I've... I've been getting really good grades, even better than before. I'm trying to make you proud, and I just hope I am." I choked back tears, staring up at the moon. "I-I have late night conversations with the moon. I just hope you're on the other side, talking to me too. I-I miss you so much, and even though I'm trying to figure out how to live without you, I just can't find a way. I cry myself to sleep every night, but the boys don't know. I act like everything's fine, always smiling fake smiles and forcing laughs. I'm keeping up a real good facade for you."
Suddenly, tears began streaming down my face, but I did my best to hold them back, "There are so many words that I wish I could say to you. I wish that I could hear your laugh, and see your smile. I'd do anything just to tell you I love you one last time. I love you, but the amount of love I have for you can't even amount to how much I fucking miss you. I'm faking my happiness, Logie-Bear, but no one can tell. I... I guess Soda can sense something is up, but he doesn't know exactly what. Some sort of brother telepathy, I guess." I laughed, wiping away a few stray tears that had made their way down my cheeks.
I sat there in silence for awhile, tracing my fingers along the letters engraved in her tombstone. I desperately wished that she would come back, even for a little bit. I just wanted to throw my arms around her and tell her that I love her with all my heart one last time. I wished for my parents too, but Logan made me the happiest boy in the world, and I needed her.
