Almost is Never Enough (L X Reader X Light)

Chapter 8: You

Maybe it's alright to lie for the greater good. Right? It has to be. Lying to make your life, and the lives around you better must be okay. If the lie doesn't hurt anyone why does it matter? If you've done nothing besides change reality to fit your needs is it really all that wrong? Just like lying to a murderer to catch him. That has to cancel itself out. Lying may be wrong, but lying for the right reason has to be different.

That must be what Light thinks when he kills
these guys. He must tell himself that murder must be okay because of the crime these man have committed. And, the more you watch them. The more you'd start itching to agree. But, murder is always wrong, right? Just like lying.

So why do you do it so much?

You always find yourself having to lie about something. Whether it's your name and who you are, or whether someone asks you how your day has been. It's always never really the truth. You wonder if maybe that's how it's always been and you never really noticed till now. It seems the closest you get to being honest is with L. You can tell him how you really feel with no judgment. You can share you're theories and your ideas because that's what he can do so easily. He doesn't think long and hard about what he'll say. He just says it. And, that's pretty cool to you. You feel like you can be more open when you're around him. So, it's funny that he's the one you technically lie to the most.

Some days you wish you could just tell him the truth. Because, maybe he would understand. Maybe he wouldn't kick you off the force. Or maybe he would and he's get you arrested. But, somedays that doesn't even sound like the worst option. You're stuck. Light has valuable blackmail over your head, but you have a duty to catch Kira. If you betray Light you will be killed, but if you don't then you are essentially assisting him in his crimes.

It all really started to bother you after Misa didn't show up the day she stormed out. At first you thought nothing of it. Maybe she finally gave up on trying to make Light love her. But, of course Light couldn't let your mind be that clear and logical. He tells you one of the many nights you're forced to go out for dinner with him that Misa knew his secret, and he couldn't let her out into the world angry with him with that kind of baggage. You knew what that meant, and you knew it was a threat.

So what do you do?

L had this plan of pretending to make you stalk these sex offenders as part of research to find Kira with Light. But, in reality it was a set up. You couldn't tell L directly what happened when that man attacked you, and you couldn't tell him that you saw light murder him before your very eyes. But, you did tell him that Light was interested in you. Maybe you didn't tell him in what way, but L knows that if something were to happen to you, Light would probably react accordingly. Whether L thinks that means it's because Light likes you, or if it's really because Light needs you doesn't really matter. It's for the greater good. Right?

Well, as the days go on you start to question what you really know. It was never really clear why Light wanted to hold your secret over your head. Obviously he doesn't want you to expose him as Kira. But, if that was the only reason wouldn't he have killed you instead of proving your suspensions? That would at least be a lot less complicated than playing these mind games. Sure, Light could just find it amusing, but in nights like these when he asks you to come back to his house alone in his room you wonder what his intentions are. He talks to you for hours about himself. About why he does what he does. He touches your thighs. He kisses you.

He'll talk about your situation. About how you've come to be what you are. It's funny how Light knows the truth about you, unlike L. Yet, you feel more dishonest around him. Having to be nice to him. Having to let him touch your thighs, and let him kiss you. He never really asked you what you did. He never really seemed to care about the details. He'd rather just assume the worse.

"___" Light says as he watches the news in his computer. You look up from your laptop curious to what he was going to say. Then you see it. One of the guys you had been 'researching' pronounced dead on his screen. He turns and smiles at you.

"You did that?" You ask softly. Trying not to seem to worried.

"I didn't like that one. The more research I did the more it seemed like he not only did what he was accused of, but the girl never came home. I think he murdered her too." Light explained.

Great. So not only did your plan get someone killed. It's backfiring. L will now ask you about the murder and if Light did anything or said anything suspicious. What could you tell him without Light murdering you now too?

"That's great." You lie with a smile. The news anchor talked about the mans suspected crime. How the girl never came home. Then, the police chief gets on camera and explains there is no hard evidence, and the girl may have just ran away.

"Bullshit" Light spat "that's what they always say. Just because the police are incompetent. They can't catch the real criminals."

Maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn't. Who knew. You did know there was a chance an innocent man was killed, but there was also a chance a monster was taken off the streets. Geez. The longer you hang out with Light the more you notice him rubbing off on you.

Suddenly Lights hand found its way to your thigh. You jump back a little but force yourself to stop. Light leans in and presses his lips to yours. You close your eyes and return the gesture. You try to get used to his kisses, and the more you try the more it seemed to work. You start to not hate them slowly. It's when his hands traveled up to your shoulders and pushed you down in the bed you started to tense up. Light noticed this and lifts his kiss from you, but still climbs on top of you.

"How long are we going to keep this up, __?" He asks in a low voice "how long will we deny each other our bodies?"

You look up to him, unsure of what to say. "Light..." you trail off for a moment "we should finish this research a-"

"Fuck the research." He states rather annoyed. "I want you" he leans down and kisses your neck slowly.

"But the-" you begin just to be cut off again. Light began unbuttoning your pants. "Light!" You gasp.

Light leans down and kisses you once more before repeating

"I want you."