Almost is Never Enough (L X Reader X Light)

Chapter 11: Loyalty

You're not a good person, and you know it. You've known it despite pushing that idea back for all these years. You grew up seeing crime, and you hated crime. Yet, you are a criminal. Maybe that's another reason why you became a detective. To make up for the sins you have done. Even when you were younger you didn't want to stop crime, just get away from it. You wanted to be a doctor. You wanted to save people. But, you haven't saved anyone but yourself.

How awfully selfish it was if you to do what you did. She had no family. You did not kill her. But, something in your being knew how wrong it all was to do what you had done. You knew it was wrong to not report her death to the authorities. You knew it was wrong to steal her identity. You knew it was wrong to love two men. To lie. To cheat. To commit all these crimes. But, you do it. Are you that much better than Kira? Or that girl who overdosed all those years ago.

L is the one you want but Light is the one you deserve. L is who you'd want to become while Light is who you are. Just like the night you found her body you have two choices. Left or right; Right or wrong.

But, what is right or wrong? You do what you think will make you happy. Even if it doesn't make you a better person. If you were a better person you'd be back in the slums with no glory to your name. You'd be honest. You'd probably be dead if you were a better person. Life isn't always to black and white.

You lay there wrapped in Ls arms. Silent and calm. You felt his cool sleeping breaths on your forehead as he held you close. The room was chilly, yet comfortable. Not burning hot with passion. But, cold and comforting. You shuffle in the bed trying to make yourself more comfortable; waking L in the process. Your eyes lock onto his as he opens them slowly.

What happens now?

You could tell L everything you know about Light. He'd probably forgive you. He'd probably understand. L would give you more understanding than you deserve. You didn't deserve it , because you didn't want to tell him. Something was holding you back.

You pull your eyes away from him. L holds you tighter as you do so. Maybe he already knew what you knew. Somethings are better left unsaid.

"We could run away" L says breaking the silence. "But, I'm afraid we're in too deep now, huh?" 

If only he knew how right he was. You'd love to run. Maybe if you hadn't dug this hole for yourself you could. Light would never let you escape. Not now. Not when he knows your name.

That's when the idea hits you.

"L" you whisper.

"Yes?"

"Let's do it."

~

Light may be smart, but L was smarter. The only reason Light is still competing is because he was willing to go further than L. He's willing to break the rules. Light and L were two opposites; Black and white, and you were gray.

What Light doesn't know is you're willing to break the rules too. In ways he wouldn't be able to imagine. You're willing to make sacrifices he couldn't dream of. And, you'll play this game he created better than him.

His ink had barely dried before he got up and walked to you. He craved you more and more each day. It grew to disgust you. Not him or his body, but the betrayal of L. You told yourself it was all part of the plan. It would be all necessary in the end.

"You've been quieter lately" Light states as he lie next to you.

"Have I?" You ask with a small smile. Light was not amused.

"What is it you're planning?" He wonders. There was paranoia in his voice.

"Light..." you trail off "If I was planning something, don't you think it would have been done by now?" You scan his face making sure to read how he responds. His muscles relax "I'm in this just as deep as you are."

"You are. You'll be just as guilty as me." He reminds you. "Maybe you'd get less time if you're lucky. Or, maybe you'd just be dead." You knew this was a threat.

"Why are we speaking of such things right now?" You question.

"I can't live like this forever." Light scoffs as he sits up. "Hiding in the shadows like a damn rat. Running away like a criminal." He clenched his fist tightly. "I AM the reason this shit hole world grows better everyday. I AM justice. The only justice." You sit up with him.

"What would you suggest we do?" Light furrows his brow at your question.

"I want to get rid of L. I need to get rid of these corrupt justice system that wishes to stop me." Light growls "no one will ever understand. All I need is a name. His name"

"You're right." You agree surprising Light. "The world could never understand people like us." Though your words were true, they had a different meaning. One Light couldn't understand.

"What makes you think you're so like me?" Light asks "I thought you were the one that hated that idea."

"I do." You correct him. "Sometimes the truth is something we'd rather it not be." Light laughs at this idea.

"The truth is whatever you make it." Light disagrees "You choose to be like me. You like to be like me. People like L, they can't choose. They just follow their instincts and what they are told is right and wrong. No free will. No free thinking goes into any of these animals lives."

You hesitate for a moment. It's times like these that make you question your own loyalty. You knew right from from, but sometimes right and wrong can't always apply. Right isn't always possible.

"Light." You mumble. He does not speak, he only waits for your next words.

"I wish that weren't true."