Almost is Never Enough (L X Reader X Light)

Chapter 10: Waves

Where do you think you go after you die?

We tend to think of death as a negative thing. We fear it. We run from it. No one wants to talk about it. Whether you believe in an after life. Maybe you believe in heaven. You still fear death. Why is that? How come if you think heaven is better than earth do you fear death? Or is it you fear not going to heaven. Just like the men Light kills, maybe you think you'll go to hell. But, then, shouldn't we encourage death for the evil?

Or maybe you believe nothing happens. Maybe once we die that's it. Darkness. Just like before you were born, there was nothing. The world still existed. Those who came before were here. The earth still spun. And, once you leave those who come after will live. And, the earth will still spin.

There were times you disagreed with Light, of course. Sometimes you thought he killed people too hastily. You were taught to trust the justice system. Though, it can fail in the most horrible ways. But, it's there for a reason. What if Light is wrong about one of his victims? What if one of his victims didn't necessarily deserve death as a punishment? Is one innocent life worth the lives of all those who are evil? Light didn't think so.

It's times like this you wish you had someone to talk to. You look at L as he sat at his desk reading. He was always reading. His life was consumed in finding Kira. The bags under his eyes darkened as the days went by. He talked less to everyone else, but more to you. He would ask you trivial things, things that had nothing to do with the case.

How was your day?

Do you like it in Japan?

Do you like Light?

What did you have for dinner?

Did you go to dinner with Light?

You didn't come back till late last night.

Were you with Light?

L talked about Light a lot lately. Not in the sense he was asking if you had more evidence. Just asking about Light. You had wondered if you made it obvious you're relations to Light have changed. You used to dislike him. Judge him. You still somewhat do. It's just Light seems to be the only person who you no longer lie to. Even if he's not the person you would choose to have that relationship with, he was the one given to you.

You often wished it could have been L. Maybe if the universe was different. If you were different. If L wasn't L and you weren't here right now. If you met him in a coffee shop or on the street. Would he still interest you the way he does now? Could you have gotten past his weird nature to see his genius? Maybe you couldn't appreciate him the same way if it were that easy. This could all just be circumstance.

"L" you say calmly. He looks up at you instantly. As if hoping your voice would rip his attention away from the words in his screen.

"Yes?" He wonders. You both share a look silently for a moment.

"Do you ever wish you could be something else?" You ask him. L hesitates for a moment. L never hesitated.

"Meaning?" He turned his chair to face you more. As if his research didn't consume his life. He gave it all up in this moment for this conversation.

"Your whole life. Your whole identity is being this detective. You're great at it and all. But, do you ever wish things could have been different?" You inch closer to him subconsciously.

"Do you?" He inquires back at you.

"Sometimes" you admit.

"More often than not" he corrects you.