Safe

Chapter 1

(Johns POV)

I haven't been able to sleep in a while, it's to hard. If I close my eyes, I'll see it all over, I hear every word, I can't handle living through it again. My best friend Sherlock Holmes took his life right in front of my eyes. I stood not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say, I was frozen. After his death I visited his grave, I thanked him for the times, I told him I don't believe he was a fake, and I asked for him to come back. I haven't had the nerve to return, I can't. I feel bad not visiting him but it's to hard.

I've gotten a job now it's a small doctors office, not the biggest pay a doctor can get but it still pays good. I don't live at Baker st. anymore, it's just to much, I call Mrs. Hudson now and than to make sure she's doing ok. She always ask me to come over have tea, and chat. I tell her I'm to busy, but honestly it would be to much, it was hard enough the last time I was there. I collected some of my clothing, but then I look around and see something that reminded me of him, I still have a good amount of my belongings there. I tell myself that it's for the best, let it be in the past, but the problem is, I can't.

My blogs have stopped, to many stories to relive, his comments to hard to read, the arguments we'd have later about them. I know I want to forget him, but he's made an imprint on my heart, I've questioned it now, like anyone else would if they seen me and Sherlock together, I question if I love him. Perhaps I do but maybe not how others thought.

I have been coming into work later and later being how sleep deprived I am. They didn't fire me, they just told me to get back on track and come back when ready. I made the choice myself to go back to my psychiatrist, I don't talk about Sherlock as much as she wants me to but she's now put me on medicine for sleep and depression. She tells me it will help, I honestly don't think it does. I was told to get back to my friends, talk to them, share stories about Sherlock. As much as I don't want to I obey and call up Greg Lestrade. We meet at a coffee shop, it's at first awkward, we haven't talked since Sherlocks funeral.

"So..." Says Lestrade trying to break the ice. "How's it been."

"I'll be honest with you it's been, bad." I say

"I know, things aren't the same without that bastard, far less entertaining. Like all the bad guys just disappeared once he left." Lestrade says as he try's to joke. "Anyway, why'd you call me up?"

I try to not say my psychiatrist is making me but I have no excuse. "Psychiatrist wants me to, sorry that didn't..."

"It's fine John, you've gone through a lot, don't apologize, look we don't have to talk about it, it's fine." He says understandingly.

"Thanks." I say