Social Norms

Chapter 9

It's been two weeks since I saw Ryder in the drive-thru window at Trevisani's, and I haven't heard a single word from him. He hasn't texted, called, or even stopped by my locker. At this point, I don't even really care anymore. I like Logan, and I desperately want him to like me back. It seems like Ryder is only going to get in the way of Logan and me, so maybe I'm just better off without him in my life. 

The only problem is that I really miss Ryder. It really hurts to know that I can't be friends with him and also have Logan in my life. Why does Ryder have to make things so complicated like this? Why can't he just be happy for me? Like I'm happy for him and Taylor?

It's lunchtime, and I'm sitting across from Parker and Annie. I look over at the Idol table and see Ryder and Taylor sitting together. They don't look as happy as they used to, and the Idols don't appear to be enamored with him like they used to. I wonder if he's worn off his welcome in their group now. 

My eyes drift from Ryder over to Logan. I know! I just can't help it, okay? Don't judge me. 

He's intently reading something on his phone, completely oblivious to the conversations going on around him. I guess he can feel me looking at him because he suddenly looks up directly at me. I panic and turn away really quickly. I immediately feel really stupid and take a second look back at him. He's still looking at me. He smiles and gives me a small wave. Reflexively, I smile and wave back at him.

"What's up with you and Logan Wagner?" Annie's voice cuts through the moment, and I turn back to her. She continues, "You're hanging out with him all of the time, and you're going to the Twenty One Pilots show tomorrow night with him. Are you guys...together?" 

I smile sheepishly at her, "I don't know. Not really, I guess. We've become good friends since we started working together on our English project." Annie gives me a knowing look, "Uh huh, good friends...or more than friends?" I shrug, "I don't know. ...I wish we were more than friends."

Parker gives a low whistle, "Well, aren't you and Ryder just the social ladder climbers. He goes for the queen B, and now you're going for the captain of the football team." I smile, "Logan's not like that at all. He really doesn't care about being an Idol. He could just as easily be a Reject, and he would be just as happy, probably happier. He basically told me that, you know?" 

Parker looks mildly impressed, "Really? That's cool. Yeah, I guess he's never really acted like the rest of the Idol douches. If you say he's cool, then I guess he is." 

I say, "Yeah, he is cool. You know the thing I've really learned since I've been hanging out with him? People really shouldn't be defined by their group of friends. Everyone is an individual, and everyone should be judged by who they are as an individual. I mean, I'm not a Reject. I'm not an Idol. I'm not black. I'm not white. I'm Kristina, and that's all, take it or leave it. I think we group ourselves into all of these categories because it makes it easier to judge or marginalize people, and all it does is make people feel like victims. We're lazy and don't want to take people as the individuals that we are. If everyone did, we'd all be better for it."

***

Today is the big day. It's prom night for everyone else, but it's the night of the Twenty One Pilots show for Logan and me. It's funny, but it sort of feels like the day of prom for me, too, because I spend most of the day getting ready for it. I have Let My Baby Ride by R.L. Burnside blaring on my speakers as I'm getting dressed. 

I decide on a cropped black V-neck t-shirt with ripped black jeans and black Converse high-tops. This is topped off with an unbuttoned rebel red plaid shirt. I would've worn yellow, but the color just looks really atrocious on me. I'm wearing my hair in a half-ponytail, so it can look long and flow but still be out of my face.