Femslash February 2019 - Harry Potter Femslash Oneshot Collection

Day 3 - What's Missing Is Not Lost - Linny

Day 3 Prompt: 'Missing'

Pairing: Ginny Weasley/Luna Lovegood

Rating: Teen

Summary: Unable to see what it is she truly wants, Ginny keeps looking in all the wrong places, finding nothing but hurt feelings along the way. But it's okay, Luna's always there to pick up the pieces and give her hope for the future. If only Ginny could understand what her advice means.

Tags: EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Not Together, Pre-Relationship, Pining, Angst, Sad Ending, Ambiguous/Open Ending

What's Missing Is Not Lost

Ginny didn't bother muffling her steps as she let herself in well after midnight. Disappointment was a bitter taste in her mouth, a heavy weight on her shoulders. All her plans and hopes gone again. It was the same reason as always, and yet it never stopped hurting her.

"Ginny?"

Luna was in the doorway to the kitchen, wearing a nightie and her lion paw slippers that made her feet look three times bigger than they were. Ginny stared at her, struggling to find words that wouldn't make her cry.

"You're just in time, I was making some tea," Luna said after a moment, walking forward and gently taking her by the arm.

It was easier to let Luna lead her to the kitchen than to pull away and rush to her room to have a pathetic cry. When Luna pulled out a chair at the kitchen table, she sat down with the barest push on Luna's part.

A mug of tea was placed in her hands far sooner than should be possible unless Luna had been hanging around waiting for her.

A hiccuping sob escaped her. Of course Luna had been waiting for her.

"Shhh, it's okay," Luna breathed, standing by Ginny's side and running a gentle hand through her hair.

Ginny put down the mug Luna had pushed into her hands. Tea wouldn't fix this. She turned and slipped her arms around Luna's waist, pressing her face to her chest.

"What's wrong with me?" she gasped, the floodgate opened by that sob.

"Nothing, silly. You're perfect the way you are," Luna said, like she always did, as she ran soothing fingers through her hair.

"I thought...I thought..."

What had she thought, really? That this man, after a line of many just like him, might be the one? Might excite a passion she must surely have tucked away somewhere? Might be the one to last? To make a home with, a family with? No. There was still nothing but cold where there should have been heat. Nothing but tolerance where there should have been yearning.

Harry had been the closest she had ever come to finding home, but even he had not stoked the fire others talked of. The yearning and desperation and hot, hot fire of touching one another. After him, she tried again. And then again. Man after man who she thought she fancied only to find passion was still lost to her in his arms.

"What's wrong with me?" she sobbed again. "Why can't I be like everyone else?"

Luna made another hushing sound and kept stroking her head, holding her close. Her touch, her closeness, never made Ginny cold or indifferent. She'd be content to live with Luna forever if it wasn't for the never ending desire to be loved. To be touched. Even if being loved and being touched never turned out the way she expected it to.

Dreams stoked a fire that always dissipated as she woke, along with the memory of what she dreamed. Always lost to her.

The passion was there, she knew it was. But try as she might, she could never find it with anyone but the stranger that haunted her dreams.

"I wish I could just be happy with what I have now," she breathed, more to herself than Luna.

If she could just be content, she could be happy. But living with Luna was not enough. It almost was, sometimes she could go months without missing anything. But then it would creep up on her. After a dream that left a lingering heat that yearned to be stoked. A reminder that she was wasting time. She could be building a life, a family, with someone, rather than just flatting with a friend.

She wanted more, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't find what it was she wanted.

Luna gently tilted her head back and looked down at her. She wiped Ginny's tears away with her thumbs and held her face gently.

"You'll find what you're looking for if you just stop looking," she said.

Ginny shook her head and dislodged her hands. She always said that. It never worked.

Luna carefully took her face in her hands again. "You're not lost, Ginny, you're just facing the wrong direction. Going forwards when you should go back. Looking outside when you should be looking inside. You have a home, you just need to open the door."

"What does that even mean?" Ginny asked, shaking Luna off again and standing. "You always say that. What does it mean?"

Luna shook her head sadly. "I can't answer that for you. It has to come from you. You have to realise it yourself. Only you can really know for sure, after all."

The tea was perfect when Ginny picked it up to take sip, more to stop herself from saying something mean. Luna didn't deserve it. Her riddles may be frustrating and pointless, but she was always there when Ginny's latest relationship attempt failed. She always distracted her happily for weeks after each failure, when she wondered time and again what she was doing wrong.

It wasn't fair to get mad at Luna. Luna did everything right. She just never made any sense. Whatever she was saying would be right, it always was. Ginny just didn't understand her this time.

"I'm going to bed," she finally muttered. "It's been a long night."

Luna took the mug from her and put it down. "Do you want company?" she asked, resting a gentle hand on Ginny's shoulder, telegraphing that she wanted to hug her but giving Ginny the choice. Sometimes Ginny wish she didn't give her a choice. It got harder and harder to reach out the more she felt broken inside.

Ginny shook off her hand. "No. I just...I've disturbed you enough already. You should go to sleep, I'll probably be awake for a while. I don't want to keep you up."

With a nod, Luna stepped back. "Alright, but you should know you never disturb me. I'd stay up all night if it helped you."

The weight on Ginny's shoulders started to feel heavier. Whatever had she done to deserve Luna in her life?

"Yeah, I know," she murmured. If Luna was anyone else she'd have given up comforting Ginny through her failed relationships when they just kept happening and nothing changed. "I'll see you in the morning, yeah?"

Luna sighed softly. "Alright. I'll make those pancakes you love, with the fruit in them?"

For a horrible moment, Ginny almost started crying again. "Sounds perfect," she said, her voice rather wobbly.

Luna lingered for a moment, then shook her head. "The answer is right in front of you, you know. Just stop looking and you'll see it. You're not as lost as you think you are."

Ginny watched her leave the kitchen and then gave into the jumbled mess in her chest. She sobbed all the way to her room and then wailed into her pillow. Luna made it sound so easy, but if she stopped looking how was she ever supposed to find what she was missing?

Hiding under her blankets, she curled up and tried to force herself to sleep. Tonight may be nothing but misery, but at least Luna would still be there in the morning to make everything light and fun again.

Maybe this time she would last longer before she went looking for what she was missing. Or maybe next time she'd find it, right in front of her the moment she stopped looking, just like Luna always insisted she would.

End.