The Gift of Memory (Armin Arlert x Reader|Modern AU)

27•Grief

"As we gather here today, friends, family, we lay Mikasa's soul to rest. She wasn't the most cheery of people, but she was one of the most kind. She was a good sister. A wonderful daughter. And an amazing friend." The priest spoke as Armin listened in pure shock. Everything was hazy. His mind couldn't focus right, but next thing he knew, Mr. Jaeger has stood.

"We do not know why she has decided to take her own life, but whatever the reason, she must have thought it was too big of a burden to let anyone else know. If only we had seen it sooner, we could have stopped it. None of us noticed any difference, even I, a doctor. If anyone is considering to take the same way out as my late daughter, please talk to someone. You don't know the pain that you will leave others in."

Y/N held her hands together, nervous. Between her hands was a single red rose, the most simple and common flower you can find. Especially for a funeral.

-

A week before the funeral, and the same day Mikasa has been discovered, Y/N was being interviewed by the cops. Apparently the fact that she was in the same room as the ravenette when she committed suicide made it a bit suspicious. They took her down to the police station to interrogate her.

The police contacted her parents who then contacted a lawyer.

"Can we run through your testimony one more time, Miss L/N?" Officer Nile Dok asked.

"I woke up and saw Mikasa's body hanging there." Y/N, who was pretending to be mortified, simply stated. Yes, she was sad. Yes, she was scared. And yes, she was definitely shocked. But she's seen so much death that this isn't mortifying to her.

She had to act as if this was the first time she's ever seen someone die. It would be very suspicious if she was answering calmly and vividly, like she is really able to.

"And you didn't hear her?" The cop asked.

"No," the girl shook her head, propping her elbows on the black table in front of her and placing her hands on her forehead. She had to feign discomfort, unease, and guilt. She used her best broken voice to answer the questions.

"Did she day anything before you went to bed that might be suspicious?"

"No,"

"Did she leave a note?"

"No,"

He sighed. "Miss L/N, you have to understand that this does not look good on your part."

She nodded. "It's okay, I understand. I just want to go home." She forced her voice to waver.

The lawyer spoke up. "My client has already answered all of these questions. Is she able to leave yet?"

Nile narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Something was wrong with this girl, he thought.

-

Armin sighed, unlocking the front door to his house. "Grampa, I'm home." He said, attempting to yell but not able to. He had been feeling a heavy weight on his chest since the funeral.

He looked through the doorway and into the living room, seeing it was empty. Then he rest his back on the door, sliding down it while biting his lip in an attempt to hold in sobs. It didn't work, as there he was, sitting in the entrance of his house, crying and letting out soft sobs.

In his head replayed memories that formed when he was just a child.

He could remember when the broken, beautiful girl was adopted. He remembered wondering why she looked different, as there wasn't much ethnic diversity in the town. He remembered that it took a year just to get her to be able to play tag with Eren and him. He remembered the first time she made physical contact with him, patting him on the back. He remembered all of her reassuring back pats. He remembered her saving him from bullies. He remembered her standing up for him when the rest of their friend group would tease him. He remembered her motherly and caring nature. He remembered her being the quickest to befriend a socially awkward friend of his. He remembered her caring for said friend, offering her a place to stay. He remembered being grateful for her kindness.

And he would never experience her kindness again. He would never experience any of those things again.

-

The blonde entered his room, shutting the door behind him while sniffling. Luckily, he just had to get it out of his system. Which took thirty minutes of crying, but nonetheless, he feels barely a little bit better.

He looked at his bed, where he saw a familiar lump of S/T skin and H/C hair.

"Y/N? How'd you get in here?" He questioned, a little embarrassed about his disheveled appearance. The funeral had been the first time they've seen each other since Y/N left his house a week ago.

She sat up and turned around to face him. She then pointed to the window.

"Ah, right..."

"I have to tell you something." She said.

"What is it?" Armin asked, sitting next to his (girl)friend on the bed. Y/N took a breath before placing a scrap of paper in the other's hand.

"Y/N,
If the suicide theory is true, then I have to save my family. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
-Mikasa"

"Is this..." Armin trailed off, in a bit of shock.

"Mikasa's suicide note." The girl explained, "The night I spent at her house-the night she killed herself, I had another dream. I assume she must've had the same dream because we slept close to each other."

He gave it back to the H/C-ette, a bit angry for hiding evidence. "Why didn't you tell anyone about this?"

"Because if someone else read this out of context, it would seem like I convinced her to kill herself."

The short male sighed, closing his eyes. "I guess you're right." He opened his eyes once again. "But how did she know about the suicide theory?"

Y/N answered, feeling shame but not allowing Armin to sense it, "I told her about it."

"Huh?" Armin resided his eyebrows. "Why?"

"When you gave me the paper, she was wondering what was in it. I didn't think any harm would come from it." Her voice let out an undefined crack for the first time since Mikasa's death, "I'm sorry. I fucked up. I shouldn't have told you, or anyone about what had happened. I'm sorry for being a nuisance." Her eyes began to water up, to which she responded by closing them.

"I'm so sorry,"

It didn't seem like she was apologizing to Armin. It actually seemed like she was apologizing to everyone, to god, or something along the lines.

The blonde didn't know what to do. How should he comfort her? How could he? Y/N opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Which is why I want you to kill me. So I can no longer remember any of my past lives. I can no longer fuck up. And I'll tell you how to get away with it." She suddenly chuckled lightly, which was a fake laugh. "I know it's selfish of my to ask, but..."

Armin furrowed his eyebrows and grabbed her shoulders. "You're not a nuisance, okay?! You're a smart, charming, shy girl who loves dirty jokes and playgrounds! You can convince anyone anything if you put your mind to it and you can achieve so many goals! You have a personality and a life! Just please, do not force yourself to forget about everyone."

The girl was taken aback. She didn't expect him to get so angry over the one little suggestion. In her mind, it seemed like no big deal. Death is death, they'll be reborn anyway.

Armin realized how hard he was grabbing her and let go. He mumbled an apology and looked down.

Y/N, on the other hand, smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. "Thank you."