The Breaking The Healing

Lies.

"easy comes easy goes and you were never easy for me"
"you're someone so special to me"
"you're a huge part of my life"
"i'm never letting you out of my life"
"you made me feel like i'm worth a lot"
"i don't wanna get close to you and lose you i don't wanna go away from you and lose you"
"you're someone that i adore"
i really love kissing you.
"i feel myself around you"
"i feel safe around you"
"thank you for being here i really appreciate it"
"i never meant to hurt you, if you think i wanna hurt you then the answer is no"
"when you make up your mind i will always be here"
"i'm always here for you"

the fucking lies.
lies
lies lies
lies lies lies
why you got to lie to me like that.
i'm not your toy to play with me. in this horrible way.

They will never understand the amount of trust issues they grow in you. They don't even care. I am so not okay that I don't even wanna stop writing how I feel even though I can't even happen to explain how I am feeling. Please why this is happening to me. What did I do why am I into this one person so bad? He doesn't care, he doesn't want me. He doesn't even see you as a simple best friend. What if all of that he's been telling me are actual lies? Were they lies? of course they were.
It hurts so much how he was talking about other girls and how much he have sex and shit, it really do hurt so much when I know he's not stupid and it was obvious I hold feelings for him. Men aren't stupid but they act like it.

I miss kissing him.
I miss holding his hands.
I miss kissing his cheeks.
I miss hugging him.
I miss his voice.
I miss being close to him.
I miss making our with him for so long.
I miss y o u.
is he missing me the way i am missing him.

It gets to me how every single time I remember how he didn't ever wanted to kiss me after he got what he wanted. I had to be the one to do it when he would always tell me how he doesn't give a fuck if anyone even sees. Am I gonna ever be with him again? Am I gonna ever feel his kiss again? I really just wanna hold him so tight so close to me. I feel like I didn't kiss him enough, didn't have him for long enough with me. What's so sad about this is that he never wanted to see me as much as I always wanted to see him.

is
he
ever
going
to
come
back?
am
i
even
in
his
thoughts.

Whats is his deal with me? Why can't he just love me? Am I too hard to love? Am I so fucked up? Did he ever even see me in that way or was I just nothing to him? Or just friends with benefits for a short time? What was I to him, what I even am to him? I just want him to fight for me and not let me go. Why he doesn't wanna do that when he knows he have me in the palm of his hand. Wow I am truly so damn broken because of him. Yet he knows it. Yet he never card to make you feel better.

Did
He
Just
Really
Let
Go
Of
Me?

Does he thinks of me as much as I think of him.

Did
He
Ever
Mean
Any
Word
He
Ever
Told
Me?

He doesn't really care about me, or does he.

Did
He
Just
Really
Use
Me?

It's never okay to treat someone the way he treated me.

Why
Did
I
Fall
In
Love
With
Him.

all i ever asked for and needed was his love. his attention and to be respected. guess we don't always get what we want.
Nothing is harder than being in love from one side. This shit hurts so bad and then easily giving you up because you don't matter to them as much as they matter to you. I am tired of checking every 15 minutes of a message from him to at least notice me. I am tired of checking. Tired of begging for his attention and love. Yet I sadly keep doing it.

Did he find another girl?
Is he searching for another girl?
What does he have in his mind? I hope he opens up to me, if he ever comes back again.
after all he is putting me through, after all he did to me, all he is doing to me, still here I am waiting and wanting him.
Is it worth?
Is he worth?
I'm so stupid.

The feeling of being unwanted really hurts. I don't know what I can do to make him want me. Why did he okay me? I'm hurt I feel so numb. The fact of having many thoughts really sucks. The fact that he knows ai am hurt and he is the reason why and he didn't even care to make it better, that shit hurts even more. Wow I am so damn unwanted by him, just why. Is he ever coming back to me? Is he gonna ever want me the way I want him? I really hope he will come back soon.