Bet On It | H. Styles

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As much as New York City was this bustling city with noises coming from every crevice, with people bumping into others while in a hurry to catch a cab or get to work, as much as it was this crazy place to live, it was still the place I liked to call home.

Long Island used to be home, Glen Head used to be home, but home is where the heart is and my heart doesn't belong there anymore.

My entire life I've lived as this island girl. Separate from everyone else, but in the end I still belonged. That's typically how most people view themselves– as Dr. Hill would say– that they are that significant person no one can pin exactly who they are. To some degree that's true, but if everyone is thinking they're different, aren't they all the same?

Now, I live my life as that typical New Yorker, I blend in and I'm no longer that distant girl with the head of curly hair and exuberant personality. And I like that. So much.

But going back to the island was a nostalgic, euphoric feeling. I hadn't been back here for six years. It's crazy really, but I never could bring myself to cross the bridge back over into the world of loss.

And I'm selfish, really, because I had always made Patty come to me, for Derek to come to me, for Jenny and Diana to come to me. Because I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the bigger person. I needed time to heal, and I suppose now, six years had been enough.

According to Patty that is.

She insisted we do a mall trip before our flight tonight and that we go out East, just us two, away from prying eyes and listening ears, because we really hadn't had a day to ourselves in such a long time.

To be honest, it felt nice to get away from the city again. The only time I had left was when I visited Patty upstate at her dorm for a surprise weekend. That was three years ago.

I just didn't really feel like leaving. I had no need to and I had no where to go anyway. But this trip to Malibu has been well deserved. And anticipation to leave the city that never sleeps for the golden state coursed through my body. This mall trip was a little step forward in being comfortable with leaving my. . . well comfort zone.

So here Patty and I were, sitting in her car heading back to Long Island, the sun beating down on us due to her convertible top being down. Patty never liked to spend so much money on herself, but two years ago she got pretty wasted and was pretty low in self love so she spent a pretty penny on a Mustang convertible to boost her happiness. Needless to say, it worked.

"God, I feel so alive!" I looked over to Patty from the passenger seat and let out a laugh at her exuberant behavior.

"It's a gorgeous day, I'm tempted to stop by the beach for a while," Patty continued, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Patty!" I shoved her hands back down on the wheel, her laugh accentuating before disappearing into the wind that carried our hair.

"Sorry, I'm just so happy! We leave tonight, and I'm finally getting the deserved time with my best friend and– ugh, I'm just so happy," she smiled over at me.

"You don't say," I shook my head as I let out a laugh of my own.

Seeing Patty this happy was so refreshing. The past six years haven't been, well– the easiest. We've had our fair share of ups and downs that I really wouldn't wish upon anyone. That's why leaving New York was so necessary, especially for us.

What better way is there to have a wedding if it's not destination?

And the reason we chose Malibu in the first place was because my family's beach house was already there and 1) I haven't been there in years, 2) It's cheaper than having to stay in a hotel. Plus staying in our own home was better to be rambunctious in then a hotel with rules. We may have grown up, but not enough to not get kicked out of a hotel at some point.