Blank Canvas

March 7, 2019

No Land's Man in a No Man's Land

Drenched, from head to toe, I was alone. In the middle of Central Park, in the middle of the night. It was frightening here, reminded me of war. Reminded me of the boys. Reminded me of the days where I saw boys, fighting for their country, just laid dead.

Everyone I saw, I might not have known their name, but I knew I wouldn't forget them. Because they had a home, and a family waiting. It brought tears to my eyes, but I needed to keep going. We needed to win.

And that's what we did.

"Excuse me." Someone interrupted my thoughts. I hadn't realized it was morning already. "May I sit? This morning had been a nightmare."

She was a tall, skinny woman. Young, short blonde hair. Her complexion caused me to remember that women I fell in love with. I said nothing to her, though. Just sat up, and motioned for her to sit.

She did so, and I sat and listened. Pulling my coat closer to my body, trying to keep myself warm with the aftermath of the rain.

"Do you ever wonder, what would happen if you went back to one moment in your life, and could just have a redo?"

Yes. Everyday. I thought to myself.

"I'm just gonna tell you this, because my train doesn't come for another hour, I just left my apartment early. I couldn't stand to be there anymore. My fiancé, he slept with another woman a couple nights ago. While I was out with my friends. I mean, yes, I did kiss a few guys, but I was drunk. I couldn't help it. Anyways, I got home and she was in our bed. I couldn't believe it. So I screamed at both of them to get out. Me being drunk and all."

I had pity for this woman. I bet she hasn't walked in dirt with nothing but small rations of water, and food. Having to sleep in trenches, with rats gnawing at little bits of flesh lying around, and sores hurting the bottom of your feet. If only she knew.

She only kept babbling on, until she stopped. "Maybe I'm just over thinking this. Should I really leave my fiancé for the guy I love dearly, or should I just stay with my fiancé so he doesn't ruin my life?"

I laughed slightly. "Sweet girl," My raspy voice said. "Look at your hands." She did so. "Now look at mine." She did. "Now, I want you to look, outside of your little bubble. You seem like a nice girl, but you're so concentrated on what's at hand, and you don't look at the people in your life and love them now, only about what could be. I've been through too many things to count. In which I could replace moments with telling my loved ones I loved them, before they died. Follow your heart, and tell those people you love, that you love them. Because you won't get another moment to do so, when they're gone."

She took in the words and nodded. "Thank you. I guess I really needed to hear that." She smiled at me, then checked her watch. "Oh! Got to catch the train. It was nice talking to you!"

Once she left, I then again was taken back to the moment I was assigned to venture. To scope out No Mans Land. Where almost everyone had died who entered. I was cautious, and I was careful. When I ended up in a man hole, I saw my best friend. Dying, alone. With bullet wounds in his chest, and that's when I noticed, that I hadn't once told him that I loved him. That I was proud.

So I wept. In that hole, and here in the middle of Central Park. A homeless soldier, without a friend to tell my stories, without anyone. "I love you, Lyle." My mouth whispered. "I'm proud of you, and I wish you were here with me."