impartial interrogations

[try #2]

A man can be measured by many things. His capabilities, his actions or the confidence with which he carries himself. A man- no matter how shattered- can be striped down to his bare bones and pitted against the world. Seidou was sure- if not of himself, then of his actions. Now or never, right? It had been too late once, he wouldn't let it be again.

"Hello to you too, Takizawa-kun."

But now he shifted, hesitation and agitation seeping into his stance. It was unfair, so very very unfair how this man pressured his facade with his mere presence. Bearing down on it with a serious expression and gentle eyes until it cracked and the sharp pieces started cutting into his skin. Blackened, bloody lips; it wanted to congeal in his throat and suffocate him. He hadn't been thirsty before but now his mouth felt unbearably dry.

"I'm sorry. For dragging you into this and," a pause here, not for dramatic effect. There was a time and place for elaborate shows, this was not it "for everything. But..."

"I can't give you anything but an apology. I'm not who I used to be and I will never, ever be again." Seidou's fingers tug at his lips, a nervous habit picked up in a dark room along with a burning ache for comfort. Eyes shift down, tracing a crack in the floor. GOAT has such nice interior, or not. It's clean, undoubtedly so with not a single speck of dust or dirt in sight. Yet there is this washed out, broken feeling hovering over it all. There is blood and grime in the cracks, too far to reach with a rose-coloured cleaning rag.

"I know that. I chose this."

"To become a traitor?" Agitation stirs in his blood, leaking out in his voice in a way he can't conceal. He can't cover up his emotions like he wish to. It didn't matter, it hadn't mattered when all that was important was tearing things to pieces but now... It's not good, not good at all.

He doesn't know how to deal with this treatment and when something is unfamiliar he cracks. Liquid spite flows in his veins, now spilling out through those cracks and covering their conversation in a thick layer of cynicism. Cynicism at the almost selfless nature of Houji's words, cynicism at his own capabilities and most of all at the very core of his existence. Anything that happened from here on out- and so much of what had already happened- was his fault. All the ridiculous decisions that had been made had been made with an urgency brought on by his presence.

He had tainted this man with the crime that was his very existence.

"I couldn't betray you." There was a heavy quality to his voice. It was as if he was regarding Seidou with something akin to sadness. Guilt made its twisted presence known and in the end Seidou snapped. Anger had been held back by thin walls of gratefulness and yet... it wasn't something he deserved. Why anyone would take a risk of this degree for him was a question deserving laughter. Empty, empty laughter; because the answer was no one. Had been no one.

With that same empty laughter he took the first steps forward hesitantly. One foot in front of the other, rinse and repeat, get in the zone. Faux confidence built up, surging through him and carrying him forward to wrap skeletal fingers around Houji's neck. With inhuman strength they pressed further, black nails digging into soft, tender skin and drawing blood. Despite this, houji showed no sign of being in pain. He should have, being pinned down and in the process of being choked to death by his former subordinate.

"Why the fuck are you still here? If it's death you're lookin' for, there are easier ways to find it." It was the first words to come to mind. Could he redo it again he would say something else, something like 'don't you see how easy I could snap, how easy I could snap and your neck would too'. Asphyxiation is a weapon for conversation. Asphyxiation is, is,is,,is- a hand touched his face, putting an end to his increasingly fragmented thoughts.

"I'm not afraid of you. And I don't hate you either." The words were choked out with a little extra effort, breaths a little more shallow than usually. Except for that thought it was levelled, gentle. If Seidou's senses weren't extremely keen he might not have heard the strain in Houji's voice at all. And that man... had the nerve, the nerve to smile while speaking as if he was just one careless squeeze away from death.

Seidou knew the movements well, had repeated and repeated the actions over again rewarded with a cracking of bones and a popping of joints and with blood spilling from places he hadn't even been aware could shed blood. And yet this was the first time someone had reacted like,, like this! No matter who they were they all broke down and their eyes would be tainted with fear and rage when he had them pinned down. But not now, no only a smile. He recoiled as if having been burnt by the touch, leaving Houji to push himself up from the mattress and rub at the red markings starting to form around his neck.

A stinging sensation emerged from behind Seidou's eyes, and then in less than a second he could feel something wet on his cheek.

"W..hy? These tears are..."

A hand landed on his shoulder, patting awkwardly; an unsure attempt at comfort. Houji's touch felt a lot less intimate when they weren't facing an immediate life-or-death-situation but it still brought him warmth.

"Why don't we ask Kirishima-san for a coffee?" Houji proposed, presumably as anxious as Seidou to leave this tiny makeshift hospital room.

"...yeah."