Eyes Closed (Chaelisa)

Chapter 36

Jennie POV

Getting out of Sajangmim's office immediately puts my mood at ease. I've always felt uncomfortable and scared going inside his office. Thankfully today was a good day and we weren't reprimanded or anything. In fact it was one of the best days for us, especially for the maknaes as I can see from a mile away the genuine happiness they feel. I mean they were practically allowed to scream their love for each other to the world through actions. They seemed so happy and so full of love that I wonder when I would be that happy too.

I find myself looking at the black haired girl in front of me. She was also smiling like an idiot, I just knew she was so happy for the maknaes too. I couldn't help but think that she was one of the reasons why I am happy and satisfied with my life. I can't ever think of a life without her and so I've decided that no matter what we will always remain the same Jennie and Jisoo pairing, the ultimate bestfriends, even if it breaks my heart a little bit each time as I yearned to become something more than that.

To help distract myself and maybe try to move on from my unrequited love, I met Kai. By a stroke of luck it seemed he was interested to know me better and he confessed his intention of wanting to date me. I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing or the most stupid decision in my life but I said yes and we've been secretly dating since November. Truth be told, he's a really nice guy and I may have developed a bit of a crush on him but I don't think I'd ever love him the way I loved Jisoo. Somehow the love I felt for her is unreal, the kind of love that I can't put into words. I just know it's the kind of love that fills my whole being to the brim that it hurts and feels so good to find someone to love this much. I never knew I was capable of this kind of love until I slowly but surely fell for her. Sometimes I get these thoughts of what ifs, what if I just told Jisoo maybe she'd like me too, what if she loved me all along and was just waiting for the right time. All these what ifs give me hope and endless torment but I am too much of a coward to even try. I'm scared of ruining what we have, our perfect friendship our own little world of just Jisoo and I.

But it's too late now and I can't go back, I'm seeing Kai now and I should focus on that. I
haven't told the girls yet and I'm feeling guilty about all this. Maybe I should tell them before it's too late. I cheer myself and decided that I'll tell them today. I hope they will support me.

I feel a pair of hands wrap around one of my arms, the girl beside me looks at me worriedly. I must have been so lost in my thoughts and she noticed.

"Everything okay Jendukie?" Jisoo asks. Her face scrunches up in worry and I couldn't help but smile at how cute she is.

"Yaah, you didn't give me a proper answer." She says pouting.

"Sorry Chichu, I just think you're too cute when you're worried. I'm okay I was just lost in my thoughts earlier, it's nothing you should worried about. Also I suddenly feel much happier now that you're beside me, don't you think?" I say giving her my best gummy smile.

"You say that but you actually don't hang out with me as much. You keep going out by yourself and you don't even tell me where you are. You're probably happier when you're with somebody else." She says scoffing.

That's not true. I am happier when I'm with you.

I badly wanted to tell her that but the cowardly person that I am stops me from doing so.

"Aniyo unnie. I'm gonna prove to you that it's not true. Let's hang out today just the two of us."

"I'm all for it, the maknaes have somewhere to be anyway. It's Pasta's turn to surprise Limario, the supposed confession she was going to make but Lisa beat her too it."

"Why am I not aware of this? Why wasn't I included in the planning for the surprise?" I ask butthurt.

"Because you were too busy going out with friends we don't know" She says with a hint of sadness and disappointment in her voice.

I stare at her in the eyes and I just knew she missed me as much as I miss her. Her eyes give everything away and yet the only thing I can't see in those eyes is if she felt the same amount of love I felt for her. I endlessly wondered why I could read Jisoo's thoughts as easily as I did with my own but how come I can never read her feelings about her love for me? Is it because she doesn't love me as anything more than a friend? That thought scared the shit out of me and so I'm still stuck here never finding the courage to take the leap and risk it all for love.

"I'm sorry" was all I could say in response.

The travel back to the dorm was filled with silence. I'll make sure to make it up to these girls, I'll spend more time with them.

When we got back to the dorms, I felt my palms getting sweaty out of nervousness. This is it I should tell them.

"Can you guys listen for a bit? I have something important to tell you." They all circle around me, Lisa and Rosie looking at me curiously while Jisoo looked nervous and uncomfortable like she wanted to badly get out of this situation.

Why are you giving me that expression Jisoo?

I take a deep breath and just tell them.

"Well you all know that I've been going out a bunch of times without telling you where I've been right?" I ask them and they nod.

"A few months ago Kai confessed and he told me he wanted to date me. I thought about it a lot and I finally agreed and gave it a chance and so we've been to little dates to get to know each other. It's been going on since November and I'm sorry for not telling you girls." I tell them almost crying because of guilt.

Lisa wraps me in a tight hug and Rosie follows suit shortly.

"Unnie, we still love you no matter what. Besides me and Rosie also broke the rules about dating. Just make sure you're always safe and don't get caught okay. Kai better treat you right otherwise she's got three girls that will be ready to kill him." Lisa says.

I feel gentle arms wrap behind me and my heart starts beating fast.

"Jennie, we're always going to be here to support you no matter what. If you're happy then that makes us happy too." Jisoo says.

All four of us stay like that for a while hugging when we suddenly hear sniffles. We look up to see Rosie crying.

She notices us looking at her and she says
"I just love all three of you so much it makes me cry. It's best when it's the four of us. Please promise that we'll always be there for each other, to support each other and to love each other in sickness and in health."

"Chaeng why are you marrying the four of us?" Jisoo ends up laughing and we all laugh in unison.

"I love you guys and I want to be with all three of you forever and ever." She says laughing wiping her tears away.

"Yah! You can't do that. No one is marrying you other than me Chaeng!" Lisa says. Chaeng gasps and blushes while Lisa realizing what she just says makes her blush profusely as well.

"Okay that's enough laughing and drama for one day. Me and Jennie are going on a date just the two of us so you maknaes take care of yourselves." Jisoo says as she pulls my hand going outside our dorm.

I think our date today is going to be fun.