A Sky Full of Blue

Chapter 27: Blue is the Color of the Notebook

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." ~Winston Churchill

Hazel's POV

I wake up to crying. I'm not sure if it's mine or someone else's, but it sounds broken. I don't know how to describe the sensation of someone crying, but it makes something in my stomach squeeze. I don't like it.

My eyes feel heavy, and I don't want to open them, but I want to know who it is.

Toby sits in a chair, head in his hands. His sobs are evident, but they don't seem anything like him. There is no marigold to this person. None at all. They are a stranger, completely new to me.

He doesn't notice that I've woken up, and I don't alert him to it. I sit there and watch his broad shoulders collapse within themselves, his whole body shaking. I feel like he's crying for me.

I try to stand, and when I get on my own two feet I feel like I'm standing on an uneven surface. I grab the edge of the bed, making my way to my brother.

"Toby?" He jerks his head up, tears coating his face. His eyes are wide and shocked, as if I've caught him in some terrible act.

"Hey Hazel. I didn't notice that you were awake." His voice has a new softness to it that I don't like. His eyes are glazed and his hair is all over the place. I have a vague idea of what happened yesterday, but I don't understand what's going on.

It's been a while since I've seen my brother cry.

"Did I do something?" He rubs at the back of his neck, and I can tell that he doesn't want to tell me. I don't force him.

I remember the sun in my face and the blood all over. So much blood. I don't remember getting to the hospital, but I remember laying there with Theo, hearing his voice as I fell asleep.

"We had an argument," I say softly. Toby nods his head, tears falling.

I feel the wetness on my face as my own tears fall. I don't understand. What did we talk about that was so bad?

"Toby, what happened?" I rub at my head. I can't remember.

"I'm not supposed to tell you. You have to remember."

I stare at him, feeling nothing and everything at once. I'm trying to remember. I just can't right now.

Toby takes one of my arms and I stand in front of him. His voice shakes as he speaks.

"This last episode was the worst one in years. I thought that you cut yourself again, there was so much blood. Theo and I got into a fight..." He blows out a puff of air, fanning his hair over his forehead.

I search his face for cuts or bruises, but there aren't any. I realize that they got into a verbal argument: the worst kind.

"Did you fight over me?" He keeps his head low so that I can't see his eyes. I cross my arms, trying to keep steady. All of this talking is making me feel weak.

"Why? What is so important about me that you need to argue?" I grit my teeth. I taste iron.

Toby sighs.

"We just want to keep you safe. I know that we don't see eye to eye on these things, but we just want to make sure that nothing is wrong." I stay silent, thinking. He starts to move in his seat. He seems...nervous.

"Is there something that I should know?" I start to shake. My legs don't seem stable.

Toby notices and makes sure that I get to the bed before he speaks again. He's perched on the edge of the bed, long legs spread about the floor. He stretches, taking his time. He doesn't want to tell me.