A Sky Full of Blue

Chapter 31: Mauve is the Color of Being Alone

"Sometimes, you just need a break. In a beautiful place. Alone. To figure everything out. ~Unknown

*Listen to "Ocean" by Martin Garrix featuring Khalid*

A Sky Full of Blue has just been ranked #1 in Romance!! I am beyond happy to see that this story is doing so well. Thank you to all of my readers; the ones who take the time to vote and comment, or even just read through the story. At chapter thirty one, A Sky Full of Blue is at 5K reads!!

The new year is coming upon me with unwarranted force. Soon, both my brother and Theo will be going off to college, or being accepted to the colleges that they want. I know that Theo was already accepted to PSU, but Toby hasn't told me anything.

I think he's going out of state.

I sit in bed, trying to put the pieces together.

Part of growing up is accepting what you are and who you are. No matter what type of person you are. I have to learn to love myself before I love anyone else, or so I've been told. Maybe that's why I can't find it in me to say the words to Theo, even though I feel it in my heart.

Part of growing up is realizing that the things around you are going to change, for good or bad.

I stand, shaking the tired feeling from my bones. I stare at my walls, the four different colors looking me right in the eye. The colors that Theo helped me paint.

He did this for me without a single complaint, and he didn't even know me that well.

I sigh and stare at the clock. It has been too long since I've woken up late, feeling satisfied with a good night's sleep. Too many restless nights have gone by with me waking up with purple rings underneath my eyes.

Theo is still asleep next to me, his soft snores breaking through the silence. I creep toward the bathroom, gathering my clothing as I go.

I stare at myself in the mirror, taking the time to look at all of my imperfections, all of my flaws. The scars and two different colored eyes. I look at my wrists and see the scars taunting me, telling me that I am nothing but someone with Asperger's, anxiety, and depression. I've been diagnosed with all of these things, but I've never actually taken the time to assess what they mean.

I wash the last few days off of me, however good the memories were. I need to start fresh if I'm going to do what I want to do.

After the scalding water has been on my skin for a few minutes, I step out of the water and dry myself off. I don't hear Theo's quiet snores, and I assume that he's up and about, wandering around my room.

He's taken the luxury to get to know me through the items in my room, and as uncomfortable as I am, I know that it's better that way. I've never stopped him before because he never goes through my drawers, never goes below the surface. I tell him the things he needs to know about that.

I put on a heavy sweatshirt, one of Theo's own, and a pair of ripped boyfriend jeans. I go to my closet, noticing that Theo isn't in the room.

I look around for a pair of shoes to go with the sweatshirt, not being able to find the color. I sigh, wishing that I had it in me to argue with myself. I do not need to match with every single thing, but it's a comfort I've had for as long as I can remember.

I settle myself by putting on a pair of fuzzy socks to staunch the warning that wants to crawl up my throat. I do not need Converse today. I can be comfortable with my maroon llama socks.

I hear voices outside my room and decide to go investigate. I distinctly hear my brother's, and what I think is Theo's voices so I stay quiet, listening. I know it's wrong, but they've done it to me many times before. This once it will not hurt.