Esteem

Chapter 14

CLAIRE

I am too warm when I wake up, wrapped in the sheets and the comforter. For a short, blissful moment, I forget where I am and how I got there. It all floods back to me at once, Jeremy's heavy alcohol infused breath on my face, his hands everywhere, pinning me, trapping me.

I can't help but cringe as I recall the sight of Ashton's fist connecting with Jeremy's jaw. Worse than the actual action of the fight was the fact that I wanted it. I wanted to see Ashton hit Jeremy over and over, wanted to see him make him pay for hurting me like that.

I think about Ashton for a solid minute before remembering that he was here. I practically begged him to stay, just not in so many words. The last thing I remember is that he was sitting next to me when I must have fallen asleep.

"Ashton?" My voice comes out as a croak as I sit up. Glancing around the room, it becomes evident that he is not here. "Ashton?" I call again, just for good measure.

I don't know what to make of this. Any of this, really. I have a show tonight, but I don't feel like singing. I don't feel like getting up, I don't feel like moving. I want to crawl back under the covers and stay there until my heart stops feeling mangled. Until I stop feeling an acute sense of terror.

Speaking of terror, a knock sounds from the door and I nearly jump out of my skin. I am silent for a moment; what if it is Jeremy? What then? Ashton is not here, and for the first time since I noticed his absence, I wish he was.

I should do something, I should move, speak. But I cannot; I am paralyzed, frozen with fear.

"Claire?" I have never been more relieved to hear Alyssa's harsh morning voice. I leave one of the blankets wrapped around my shoulders and stumble to the door, pulling it open.

Alyssa blinks several times in shock. "Are you okay?" She asks. "God, Claire, you look awful." I almost smile, rubbing my hands over my face. I just groan. "Are you sick?" Alyssa asks.

"No," I say without thinking. I wish I had said yes, I wish I had lied. It would not be a lie technically, I haven't stopped feeling sick since last night.

"What happened to you?" She asks. Alyssa transitions easily from straight up business partner to concerned friend.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I brush her off. Alyssa's intuition is strong enough to alert her to a greater problem here, but she doesn't push it. I am glad, I don't have the words to speak aloud yet.

Alyssa glances up and down my body before her eyes rest on my face. She is challenging me, giving me one more chance to tell her. I don't. "Sound check in an hour," she says.

"Can I-" I cut myself off, but she isn't having it.

"What?" She asks impatiently.

"I'm not sick, but I am feeling a little under the weather. Can someone else sound check for me? I think I need to lie down."

Alyssa looks me up and down again before nodding. "Thank you, Lyss," I breathe. She grabs my arm as I go to shut the door.

"Claire," she says. "If something is happening, I need to know about it. You can tell me, okay?"

"Okay," I nod, unsure of why I don't actually want to tell her.

The second the door is closed, I secure the deadbolt, extra latch, and chain. Suddenly feeling as if there is a ten pound weight on my chest, I crawl back under the covers and hope that by some miracle I won't have to come back out.

ASHTON

It takes everything in me not to sit at the arena door like a puppy waiting for Claire to arrive. This morning, I had snuck out of her room before the sun was even up. I don't know what complications are going on in her mind and her heart right now, but they can't be easy. I was torn between not wanting to let her face them alone and not wanting to force my presence upon her. I had followed the latter instinct, knowing that she would find me if she wanted to.