Esteem

Chapter 33

ASHTON

Sophie is curled up in Claire's lap, playing with her hair. My mom sits next to them on one side, and Jackson sits on the other. I can't stop staring, marveling at how well Claire seems to fit in with them, how easily they've all adjusted to her. Even Elizabeth, my painfully shy sister-in-law participates in conversation with Claire.

It is an odd position that we are in, and I don't know if I should be overly affectionate with Claire. My mom had walked in on us... pretty much making out, but if I was asked to put a label on our relationship right now, I wouldn't be able to. So for now I keep my distance, intent on letting Claire make the first moves.

Over the course of the afternoon, the snow picks up and people shift around the room. My mom is disappointed that we won't be able to make it to church, but I can see relief in Claire's eyes. It means a lot to me that she was clearly uncomfortable but she still would have gone.

"This is insane," my dad says, pulling back a curtain and gesturing out the window at the snow swirling through the air, piling onto pre-existing inches on the ground. "I've never seen this much snow before."

"You've never seen any snow before," my mom laughs, walking to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. They stand at the window and watch the snow for a while, and I catch Claire staring at them in awe and a sort of longing. She must feel me staring at her, because her eyes find mine next. She shifts a sleeping Sophie off her lap and tucks a blanket around her on the couch before crossing the room to me. I move to scoot over, make room for her on the chair, but to my surprise she sits right on my lap and curls her legs up.

It feels so natural, the way my arms circle around her middle, the way her face rests against my neck. She is so warm. I feel her eyelashes brushing the skin of my jaw and find myself wishing it was her lips. Her hand grasps one of mine and my free hand plays in her hair. I am pleased with her open affection, wondering if she is genuinely comfortable. She seems it. At first she was tense and entirely too formal, but over time she has relaxed, seeming to settle into herself. My hand rests just above her knee on her thigh, and she sighs in content every few minutes.

"Have you ever seen snow?" She asks me quietly.

"Once before. We were in North Carolina a few years ago, me and the band, and it was snowing. It wasn't like this though, it was really light. Kind of more like rain. This is scary."

"It's not scary," Claire laughs. "It's... peaceful."

"It is," I smile. We are silent for a few more minutes before Claire sits up suddenly. I jump a little in the chair, surprised by her sudden movement.

"Do you want to have a snowball fight?" She asks loudly, catching the attention of everyone in the room. Jackson's eyes are already alight with mischief, a twenty six year old child.

"Yes!" Sophie yells, suddenly awake and alert. Claire clambers off my lap and reaches out a hand to pull me up. Her excitement is adorable, magnified by the fact that she is clearly the only one of us to have ever done this before.

Everyone gears up, layers of leggings and sweatshirts piled on underneath heavy windbreakers. The hotel has provided us with snow boots in every size. Claire helps Sophie lace up her boots before crossing over to me and pulling a beanie down over my curls. She laughs before pulling it down further, over my eyes. Her fingers hold the fabric in place and she kisses me lightly on the lips before releasing the makeshift blindfold. She gives me a shy, rosy smile and squeezes my hands before turning away.

I catch my mom watching us, her eyes looking like mush and love.

Claire makes a few more phone calls, and I almost feel bad that she has to do the planning. But she doesn't seem to mind taking the lead as everyone follows her down the hallway, cramming all seven of us into the private elevator. It is almost unbearably hot, with all of our layers in such a packed space.