Sidecar: Dating/Sex Inquiries

Theme 6: The First Time

The thing is, before I had my first time I didn't really have anything to read for any tips or warnings. All I knew was to use protection, which everybody knows. So, here are some tips for those girls who haven't lost their v-card yet. Some are things I wish somebody had told me.

Tip 1: You'll be ready when you're ready.

In the years before I finally had my cherry popped I had many lost chances, because I would freak out or change my mind at the last minute. When I turned twenty-three I started to worry that there was something wrong with me. It's not like I didn't want to do it, for some reason I just couldn't find anyone I could be attracted to enough or feel comfortable enough with. I was so embarrassed of being a virgin, I couldn't even tell my best friend.

Then one day I met my current boyfriend. Maybe it was because we met at a tango scene - a sexy setting, I don't know, but we had sexual tension from the moment we met. He was perfect: good looking, tall, confident and flirty. But at first I wasn't expecting more than one or two dates, because that's how the majority of my romantic encounters turn out. However, unexpectedly, we're still dating.

Anyway, at the end of our first date he kissed me, then, I don't know if it was the rosé or what, but I let him touch me a little. And I didn't freak out like I would all the previous times with other guys. I felt like he was the guy I wanted to lose it with. I don't know why I felt so willing for it to be him, it's weird.

Now we've been dating for four months, three weeks and four days.

So, if you have to go through a few failed attempts like me, don't assume there's anything wrong with you or get frustrated because your friends have already lost it. Just stay open to meeting people and you'll be ready when you're ready.

Tip 2: It's okay if you don't orgasm the first time

When I couldn't I felt bad toward my partner, but later I learned it's totally fine if you can't orgasm the first time. It doesn't always just happen. With my partner, I've learned I need to position myself a certain way and also be in the right state of mind. I can't orgasm if I'm half-focused or thinking about something else. But those are things I've learned over time. You don't have to know anything the first time, just find someone experienced - and trustworthy - so you can be comfortable and enjoy yourself.

Also, apparently some people never orgasm and it's nothing to be ashamed or worried about. I mean, I'm no expert but maybe we need to think of it in this way: we're on a mission to collect gems on Mt. Everest and this gem called Orgasm is the final treasure that rests at the very top of the mound. Of course everyone knows that not everyone can make it to the top of Everest, especially not if it's your first time.

So, you see? Don't worry about it at all if you can't reach the top the first time.

Tip 3: Don't settle for anything/anyone less than your expectations

I almost made the mistake of losing it with a random guy because I was just so tired of being a virgin. But I'm so glad I didn't do it. I used to think the first time was just like riding a bicycle for the first time, but boy was I wrong. I didn't expect the first time to stick to my brain eternally. So, I'm so glad it was with the perfect guy at the perfect time in the perfect place (and that I wasn't wearing torn underwear - I've done that on dates I didn't give a shit about).

Anyway...don't feel like you have to do it just for the sake of losing it. If you're going to have sex it should be with someone you feel attracted to and can trust. And you'll find the person, as long as you keep looking and socializing.

Tip 4: Don't refrain from sexual activity till marriage (unless it's against your religion)

If you're religious, you better delete this book from your to-reads right now and maybe unfollow me while you're at it, because I'm an atheist and may write things that'll make you want to shoot me in the face...even though you're religious.

I know that there are individuals who choose to stay pure till marriage, and I don't mean to disrespect that, but it's really not worth it if you WANT to have sex. We're only animals, after all.

Also, I once read a Cosmo article about a girl who waited till her honeymoon to lose it and regretted it. What happened was on the night of their honeymoon he stuck himself in just a little bit, and she would scream in pain because she was so closed up! They tried it again and again but he just couldn't get it in, so eventually she had to get some medical procedure done to open up her vajayjay. Yikes. I mean, nobody wants to end up like that, right?

So, if it's not against your religion you need to snap out of your fairy tale first time and see the reality. HAVE SEX. Go wild. If you really don't want to, at least get a dildo. Please. I don't want to read about anymore vajayjay opening procedures on Cosmo. *TF? face*

Tip 5: If you decide on birth control, BE CAREFUL

A few years ago, back when I was a V, my friend had an awful experience with the BC she was trying. She got super sick and had all these crazy-ass symptoms you don't even want to imagine going through, like pain and vomiting. So, now we all know to be selective of our birth control and make sure to consult a quality doc.

I'll be starting it soon, before my boyfriend returns from his mission (army, special ops captain) next month. I'm hoping the procedure is straightforward and easy to follow.

Lastly, know that birth control DOES NOT prevent STD, so make sure you and your partner get checked up now and then.

That's all I have for you kids today. Happy sex life!