Divided

:Chapter Twenty:

*****

The inside is almost completely how we left it, except for some brush that was blown in through the broken window. I step carefully around the branches and random objects that are spread all over the ground, laying on the large brown couch. Last time I was here, Matthew helped me stitch up my arm. My mind reminds me in a whisper. He also called me a child. I remind myself louder in my head. I can only be here for about a half an hour before I have to leave to go back to camp. If I use it wisely I can get all the redness from my eyes before I have to see everyone.

"You need to stop." I say aloud to myself.

"You're being stupid. He probably doesn't even know very much, and you probably just lost him over nothing." My voice wobbles. "Or." I tell myself sniffling. "Or he really doesn't trust you and it was smart to call him out on it." I say trying to cheer myself up. I'm not sad though, I'm angry. I want, no, need to throw something. The only thing near me is the bowl he cleaned my arm with. I crack my neck and shift to feel the closed wound in my arm. It'll scar for sure. Then I remember that I'm mad. I pick the bowl up and throw it as hard as I can at the wall across from me, right above the fireplace. It shatters as soon as it hits, and clay chunks fly everywhere.

I hate to admit it, but I love throwing things. Oh wait, I don't hate to admit that. What I do hate to admit I'd that I feel bad for what I said to Matthew. I miss him already, and it's only been an hour. The worst part is, I can't talk to him because he has even more right to be mad at me than I have to be mad at him. I walk back to camp in silence, even the birds are quiet. It doesn't strike me until I'm at the dinner hall that that's not good. Birds are only completely quiet for a good reason; I need to figure out what that reason is. I have a feeling it's nothing good.

"Lib!" I turn to see Nick waving me over to the seat we used to sit in with Shawn, our spot. I walk slowly so I don't spill my food and sit on his left.

"Hey." I say looking over at him.

"So um, sorry if I've been a little out the last few days... It just, it means a lot that you've stuck with me." He says looking down at his tray, then back up at me, meeting my eyes. I smile.

"Always."

We eat slowly, taking most of the time to talk about easy subjects. Then it's time to go back to our cabins. I don't see Matthew at all through dinner or on my way to my cabin and I don't know what if say even if I did. The sky is especially dark tonight because of the deep grey clouds that cover any stars or light of any kind from reaching the surface. Inside the cabin is even darker if that's at all possible. I walk to my bed and start to change into new clothes; I thought I'd be fine since nobody can see me. I was wrong.

"There you go Libby baby, take it off!" Derrick spits and Theo whistles behind him. I roll my eyes and slide on a shirt. Before I can change out of my pants a pair of hands wrap around my waist and squeeze lightly. My whole body tightens, and I squeak. "That's what I thought baby. I knew you loved this." Derrick whispers in my ear, his breath tickling the side of my face.

"Get away Derrick." I growl quietly, so only he can hear me. He chuckles and backs away, but I stand frozen in fear he'll come back. It worked, he's gone, you can move now. I shift to my right and climb up my bed, curling into my blanket.

*****

Suddenly, I'm awake. I don't want to be. If I'm awake, that means its morning, which means I have to go to training, which means I have to see Matthew. I fall sloppily off the side of the bed and land on the cold concrete floor, sending a shiver up my spine. Its 6:57, I'm almost late for breakfast. Everyone else has left already, and I'm dressed... So why am I not moving? I drag my feet along the trail to the dining hall. Matthew stands at the door, waving people inside. He doesn't even glance my way as I pass. Something inside me breaks. I'm mad at him, yes, but this is how he wants to play it? Fine. I slide into the bench beside Nick and smile at him. When Matthew turns to enter, he looks my way for just a second. I catch his eye and lean into Nick, kissing him lightly on the cheek, then back up. Matthew turns his head away from me frowning.