KLEPTOMANIA (YOONMIN)

THIRTY

warning: another self-harm chapter, I'm sorry.

Jimin pushed his books off his desk, yelling a little in anger as he watched them crash to the floor. A little bit of destruction in his world of order. He panted as he stared at the books, ignoring the desire to fix them. He deserved to suffer through it.

After Yoongi left, Jimin sat on the bed, thinking. The thinking grew to self-hate, until he was the worst person in the world and there was no way to redeem himself. Yoongi probably hated him, Jimin was probably the worst boyfriend ever, there was too much wrong with Jimin for him to be saved.

Jimin quickly wiped his eyes, the fabric of his sweater scratching his face. He took a shaky breath in, trying to stop the tears that were stinging his eyes from falling. He waved his hands in front of his face, wandering aimlessly around the room. The tears fell anyway, hot trails down his cheeks.

"I can't take this anymore." He muttered, running his fingers through his hair and pulling it. He shook his head and continued to wander around the room, slipping on the books he'd knocked on the floor. "I can't do this."

Jimin hated being a kleptomaniac (though would anyone really like it?). He knew that when he'd been born, someone really hated him. Jimin knew that the percentage of people who had kleptomania was low - 0.6% - and that it was more common amongst women. He'd cursed his luck (or lack of it) time and time again, questioning why he'd been the one to suffer like this. And now he was beginning to do that again.

Jimin let go of his hair, walking towards the bathroom. He knocked some more books on the way past, letting the destruction bring him a little bit of relief. When he entered the bathroom, he looked around aimlessly.

What he really wanted, was his box. His box had everything that would relieve the pain, even if it was just temporary. Realising this, Jimin turned back around and walked over to his bag, which he hadn't unpacked since he'd got back. At the top of the bag was his box, waiting there for him. He sighed as he picked it up, hugging the box to his chest.

'Yoongi probably hates you.' The little voice in his head muttered as Jimin walked back to the bathroom. 'You can't even tell him you love him. He should have just stayed with Hoseok, Hoseok loved him.'

"Be quiet." Jimin hissed, putting the box on the floor and opening the lid. He stared at the collection of razors inside for a few seconds before pulling off his jumper and dumping it on the floor. He picked up one of the razors and stood up, placing his arm over the sink as he pressed the razor into his skin.

'You promised. You promised you wouldn't, and now look at you. You're such a liar, no wonder Yoongi hates you.'

-

"Min Yoongi, I was just coming to find you." Yoongi suppressed a sigh as Ms Lee appeared out of nowhere, approaching him. "Your homework is well overdue, you told me you'd have it for me last week. Where is it?"

"It's back at my dorm, but--"

"Well you'd better go get it, or I'll have to mark it as incomplete. You have enough of them already, don't want anymore to affect your mark." Yoongi sighed, looking down the corridor past Ms Lee. He really needed to see Jimin.

"Can I get it after I--"

"No, you've put it off long enough. Come on, I'll come with you to make sure you get it." Ms Lee said and she began walking off in the opposite direction to Jimin's room. Yoongi cast one last look in that direction before sighing and following Ms Lee, not wanting to get in more trouble.

-

Jimin stared down at the cuts on his wrist, watching as the blood dripped down into the sink. Tears were falling from his eyes and mingling with the blood, and he wiped them away with his free arm. The pain wasn't doing anything.

'Yoongi's not going to like you with all those cuts. You're even more ugly now.' The voice continued to whisper in Jimin's head, only making him cry harder. 'Look at you. You're fat, ugly, and your wrists are covered in cuts. You're not worth the problems you come with.'

"I wish you'd just go away!" Jimin yelled, punching the side of his head and pulling his hair. Blood continued to drip down his arm.

'Well, there is a way...' The voice said and suddenly Jimin's attention was directed back to the box. 'A way to make me go away.. forever. All your problems, gone.'

Jimin crouched down and reached into the box, picking up the small container of pills. He'd stolen them from his mum a while ago, deciding to save them for when he had no other choice. He swallowed, his saliva thick, and he opened the lid. He stared at the pills inside, the voice's whisperings getting louder until it was all he could hear.

'Come on, it won't hurt. In fact, it'll stop the pain. Go on, take them.'

"Do you promise? The pain will go away?" Jimin asked, shaking the container.

'Of course, when would I ever lie to you?'

-

"Jimin!" Yoongi exclaimed as he barged into Jimin's room, looking around at the empty room. "Jimin? Where are you?"

Yoongi walked straight to the bathroom, given there wasn't really anywhere else he could be hiding. He noticed the pile of books scattered across the floor and he grew more worried. He slowly pushed the door of the bathroom open, the creaking sounding even more louder in the quiet room.

"Jimin!" Yoongi exclaimed as he saw Jimin lying on the floor. Blood was still flowing from his arm, and the pills were scattered across the floor from when he dropped them. Yoongi fell down next to Jimin, the blood scared him. "Jimin, wake up, please wake up."

When Yoongi lightly hit Jimin's cheek, Jimin's eyes fluttered. Yoongi sighed in relief, holding on to Jimin's hand.

"Jimin, I'll be back in a second. I'm going to go get your phone." Yoongi said. He got up and rushed over to Jimin's phone, fumbling as he hit the emergency number. He waited for them to pick up, hurrying back to Jimin. "Emergency, m-my friend. He's tried to kill himself, th-there's blood everywhere. A-And I think he took some pills as well."

The people then asked for their address, which Yoongi promptly gave. Yoongi muttered an 'oh god' as he blinked quickly, not wanting to cry. He exhaled slowly, trying to pay attention to what was being said in his ear.

"Don't let him fall unconscious if you can, and if you can't then put him in the recovery position and keep an eye on his breathing." The person said and Yoongi held Jimin's hand again.

"Jimin, you need to stay awake. The doctor said you can't fall asleep." Jimin's eyes fluttered open, and he stared at Yoongi through half-open eyes. Yoongi could see that he was still crying, and it hurt him. "Jimin, you have to trust me. Please, everything will be alright. Just don't go to sleep, please don't leave me. Trust me, things will get better. Do you trust me?"

Jimin hesitated, having difficulties breathing. He felt like he was going to vomit, and the pain had definitely not gone away. The voice had lied to him. Jimin looked up at Yoongi, feeling his hand clinging tightly to his own weak one.

"Yes." He said quietly, not looking away from Yoongi. Yoongi's grip on Jimin's hand tightened.

"Thank you. Now, you have to stay awake, okay? No matter what, don't go to sleep. Everything's going to be alright, the doctors are coming..." Jimin found it hard to concentrate on Yoongi's words, and soon he was only listening to the sound of his voice and focussing on the touch of his hand.

"Hyu--"

"Jimin, don't speak. Don't use up your energy." Jimin frowned at Yoongi.

"Hyung, I--"

"Jimin, whatever you say can wait." Jimin sighed, hoping that he definitely did make it through this.

He didn't want to die without telling Yoongi he loved him.

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