Social Suicide (BxB) / On Hold

Chapter 22

"State your name, please."

"Alexander Winters," he muttered sourly, eyeing the receptionist who he had been trying to get past for the past 10 minutes. He signed, tugging on the edge of his jacket impatiently as he crossed his arms. Did she not get the message that he was in a hurry?

"Okay... Alexander Winters," the woman sitting at the desk in front of Alex repeated, smiling thinly as she slowly crossed his name off the list at her side. Her movements were sickeningly slow, and Alex clenched his jaw, resisting the urge to ruthlessly berate the woman. "You can go in now," she said, pasting a fake smile on her caked face. "Good luck."

Alex signed again, attempting to control the anxiety that was gradually building within him. He was currently heading into his final exams and had spent the last few hours methodically pouring over his study notes and flashcards, much to the annoyance of his friends. A steady flow of students surrounded him, packed together like sardines in a can, but there was none that he really recognized - so he felt well and truly alone. Alex eagerly walked through the exam door, his anxiety heightened as he took a seat on the closest chair to the window and neatly laid out his stationary in parallel lines. It was no surprise that he was the only one in the room, being at least 20 minutes early. Why was he so nervous? In two hours time, his fate would be sealed one way or the other, and Alex knew that it was irrational for him to be feeling so worked up over something so painfully inevitable. Alex choked down the bile rising in his throat and consciously flexed his fingertips, feeling the pain of his nails digging into his palm. This would be over soon, and he would soon be free, he told himself.

When Alex's eyes flitted to the small window by his side, he was shocked by his appearance shown in the transparent material. His eyes were wide and urgent, like that of prey captured in a cage. His blonde hair, normally straight and falling over his eyes was curled into an unflattering mop. Most notably, Alex's face was flushed bright red - likely due to the heat of the day. Alex sat upright on the wooden chair. It was hot - unbearably so, despite the season. Sweltering, really. He wished he's worn cooler clothes, but his lack of organization in the morning had left Alex no chance to get properly dressed. Because of this, he'd foolishly seized the first article of clothing he'd found scattered on the floor - this being Ashton's jersey that he was given months before. Alex cringed at the thought of someone recognizing it and subtly turned his back from the doorway.

A few minutes later, Alex felt the presence of another student sit at the table near him. He was surprised, the exam wasn't scheduled to begin for another 10 minutes at most, and normally students turned up late. A slight tinge of irritation coursed through him the more he thought about the student. Alex had come here for some peace and quiet before the exam, and now that was completely ruined. Continuing to absent-mindedly gaze out the rust-lined window, Alex failed to realize that the student was talking to him until he felt a particularly hard shove on his shoulder.

"What?" Alex snapped in irritation and turned. His eyes widened as they settled on a familiar face. "What on Earth are you doing here?" he gasped, looking at Ashton in surprise. As usual, he looked like he was straight out of a fashion magazine. He wore a loose-fitting t-shirt paired with simple jeans that hugged him in just the right places. His hair was framing his face in unruly, effortless curls due to the humid weather; yet, unlike how Alex looked like a drowned rat, it somehow suited him perfectly. Alex felt that his appearance paled in comparison to Ashton's flawless look.

Ashton sent him an exasperated smile and rolled his piercing dark eyes, "I don't know if you've noticed, but I do attend the same school as you. And we have some of the same subjects too, come to think of it - and, by extension, we have the same exams." He smirked a bit, "You seriously didn't notice that we were rostered on at the same exam time today? No wonder you didn't wish me luck this morning."

"Very funny," Alex considered him fondly. "No, I mean why are you here?" he asked, vaguely gesturing to the space between the two. "What if one of our friends sees us together or something?"

Ashton's expression immediately morphed into one of exaggerated offense as he leisurely leaned back against his wooden chair. "Don't say you're embarrassed to be seen with me!" He wrapped his arm around Alex's shoulders before continuing in a significantly lower voice, "There's no one here anyway."

"You should still leave anyway. Someone could come in at any moment. Have you lost your mind?" Alex said, lightly shoving the other away.

"Well," Ashton's voice adopted playful tone, "I do find it pretty hard to think straight when you're around, you know."

Alex cleared his throat, his cheeks reddening slightly. He had no idea what to say to that. His heart was racing and he bit his lip, trying to calm his emotions. He felt as if he'd been running down a dark tunnel for miles, but he hadn't even moved an inch. The combination of pre-exam nerves and having Ashton so close wasn't healthy for his heart. 

"Why are you always so worried?" Ashton asked, his voice soft in comparison to the noise inside Alex's head. Alex could see something that resembled worry flicker through Ashton's eyes. "Because I was thinking," he cleared his throat and looked away, "I don't care if they know. Or what they would think."

Ashton gazed at him intently before he continued, a sincere expression adorning his steely eyes, "What I have with you, I don't want it to be ruined because of any social prejudices or judgments, you know? I'm past that now - I really couldn't care less what anyone else would think.

"What, you want to tell our friends? Our peers?" Alex asked, examining Ashton incredulously. He had actually lost his mind. Ashton, however, nodded; bitting his lip subconsciously under Alex's stare. Alex swallowed thickly, "I don't think that's a good idea. My parents' would never understand, for one. And my friends... I don't know how they'd react."

Ashton looked out the window too, his expression changing into one of guarded understanding. "Okay, I get it. I don't want to rush you, either." Alex narrowed his eyes suspiciously - it was obvious that Ashton didn't like his hesitation to be more open about their relationship. Maybe Ashton was right. Maybe their relationship wouldn't be too big of a deal after all. Alex stalled, about to take back his words when he noticed how many students had already taken their seats in the classroom without him noticing. Yet Ashton didn't move away. His throat clenched with anxiety as he noticed some students surreptitiously glancing in their direction. Ashton was being far too obvious.

"Ashton!" Alex exclaimed, subtly edging away in his seat, "You're sitting way too close. Can you, I don't know, move back into your desk?"

A smirk suddenly tugged at Ashton's lips, and instead, he leaned closer until there was barely any space between them. When he spoke, Alex could feel his breath lightly caressing his neck like the sun to frost on a winter's morning. He tried not to shiver. "I will move, but only if you agree to do something with me."

Alex subconsciously reclined onto Ashton's firm chest, relishing in the warmth it gave him. "And what's that?" he muttered, for once his overwhelming feelings of anxiety seeming to conciliate.

"Go out with me. Tonight." 

"As if I would've said no," he smiled.

Satisfied, Ashton returned to his own desk and sent Alex a reassuring smile. For some reason, Alex wasn't as nervous about the exam as he was previously. It was as if in Ashton's presence, all his worries melted away. Alex wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad sign, couldn't help but smile fondly back.

Tonight was definitely going to be interesting.