Letters to Lisa

August 4 2000

August 4th, 2000

Dear Lisa, 

I know, I know. It's been five days since I last wrote you. Believe me though, it's been hard. For some reason I just can't gather the will to actually sit down and write something out, yet here I am, cramped fingers and messy handwriting. 

If you were to come back today, what sort of things would you ask about? I don't know what you want to know. I would most likely ask about the kids - they're my life. You've already heard too much about them though, haven't you? I know that I would ask about you. How have you been? Really, really answer me honestly. Don't lie and say you're fine when you're not, because I can always tell that you're lying. And if you really aren't okay, then tell me and we'll sit down on the couch with hot cocoa and talk about it. 

I'm always here for you, even if you aren't here for me. That's what boyfriends are for, right?

A memory came to me today - it made me sad. Yet happy. Another one of those 'mixed feelings' reactions to an odd recollection. Not that the thought was odd, but I just feel like I've been thinking way too much about you lately. Anyways, this was what I was thinking about today. It was a warm fall evening, and we were at my house. Sitting under the big oak tree. You were on my lap, cuddling against my shoulder. And then the words popped out. 

"Hey, Liam," you said, sounding nervous. "Can I ask you something?" 

I stroked your hair. "Sure, of course. You can ask me anything."

You sighed and got off of my lap. You sat down on the soft green grass next to me, trouble and worry showing in your eyes. "Do you want to... get married? Soon?"

Your question caught me by surprise but I gladly agreed - without a second thought. Then we talked about wedding ideas. We both wanted to get married right here, beneath the big oak tree. It seemed the most romantic, since we were always here. It was sort of like... our little spot.

Then we knew that we were to have kids after the wedding; you had always talked about having kids. That's when the naming process began, and so on. 

Do you ever wonder if fate hates us? It was as if they never wanted us to get married, and sure enough, they got their way. It fate hated us then they would have separated us - oh, look. Fate despises us. 

Was it fate that those rings never got put on our fingers? 

Lots of love, 

Liam xoxo