Letters to Lisa

December 23 2000

December 23rd, 2000

Dear Lisa, 

I realize that I'm late, don't remind me. I apologize, but this time, it wasn't from lack of interest, or lack of time. It was from lack of expectation, and lack of needing. I can tell you one thing though - hopefully I won't have to tell you quite yet - and you're not going to like it. I hate to say it, but some things you just have to deal with - and believe me, this is hurting me more that it'll hurt you.

I love the fact that you're coming back Lisa, but you need to do it faster. Where did you go anyways? The kids miss you to death, I miss you to death... being a... "single" father is difficult, you know? Sometimes I just can't believe you would leave me like this, having to do it all on my own. I try not to blame you, but more times than less, I do. It's all your fault that you're not here. If you had just been watching, Lisa! If you had just been watching. 

We were on the interstate, that night. Coming back from your sister's house to get ready for the wedding - we were getting married the next day. Do you remember that? I didn't really propose to you, it was more like a suggested thing... and you were the one to suggest it. Imagine that. Either way, I like to pretend like it was me, and I did up this whole fancy dinner and made it all romantic. I know if I were ever to tell you that, you would just laugh in my face. I'm not really the romantic type, am I? Anyways, we were on the interstate. It had just snowed, so the road was still damp. We had the radio cranked, and what do you know, I was sitting shotgun. Never again will I let you drive, and you'd better not want to. 

We were both singing along to it - what was it? The Doors? I don't know, something like that. But I know it was your favourite song. The interstate was pretty busy that night, lots of cars going on and off. We were almost back in town. What was the highlight of that evening? Oh yes, when you dropped your phone into the back part of the car. I remember you were going to call your parents, let them know that we were going to be back soon, so to not wait up on eating dinner. Once you got it out of your purse, you set it down on the dash. As we rounded the corner, it slipped and fell back. 

I offered to grab it for you - it fell behind my seat, anyways, and you were driving. You said no, insisting that it would be easier for you to get it. Not wanting to start an argument, I agreed. Your only mistake that evening? Not watching. 

Oh Lisa, if only you had been watching. 

Lots of love,

Liam xoxo