Waiting for You

Chapter 6: WTF?!

When Kris left, I was so upset that I called Monsé. 

*ring ring* *ring ring*

When she picked up, there was a short pause. "Um, hello?" She answers, her voice raising with the 'hello' in confusion. "Is everything ok?", she asks. I never call her unless its an emergency. 

"Yeah, no." I snort. "We have to talk."

"About what?" Her voice is slightly panicked now. "Is everything ok?" She repeats.

"No, not really." I say softly, glancing down at my feet, an act of guilt, even though she can't see me. "Last October, I was dating a guy name Kris. He just up and left about two months into the relationship, and we never actually broke up. I guess...well...I guess he thought we would just stay in a long distance relationship. After he left...well, that was when I started talking to you," I admit. Immediately, I felt guilty. "He came to visit me today. I told him I was with you. He said he didn't care because it didn't count if I had sex with a girl. I kicked him out after that. He refuses to accept that I don't like him anymore." I started to backpedal and defend myself.

"I-I just didn't know how to tell you. Are you ok?" I finished. 

I could hear my heart crack as she said her next words. 

"Yeah, no, that's fine. I'm fine," She says dismissively. I heard a couple of quick sniffs on the other side and questioned how honest her answer was. She didn't have to lie...

"Ok. Hey uh, look, I have to go now. But call me if you want to talk, ok?" I offer.

"Yeah, um, ok." She whispers.

"I love you." I blurt, louder and more desperate than I intended. I need her to know that no matter what, I would always love her. I could feel her stiffen through the glass on my screen. "Bye.", I say quieter and softer this time. 

I hear her take in a sharp breath and I knew she was deciding on whether or not to say it back.

"Okay. Bye."

I'll admit it. I was sad that she didn't say I love you back. And the optimistic side of me wanted to  believe that there was another reason she was crying. But the pessimistic side of me knew that it was just me. 

I had hurt her. And I was beyond sorry. I felt so guilty. The entire situation kept me up all night. Like the saddest song on repeat. I didn't know how I was going to fix things. I always felt like Monsé was the strongest yet disciplined of us two. Like I was the daredevil, and she was the one in the library reading romance novel while drinking hot cocoa from a mug. She was always the shy one. Which is ironic seeing as how I was the shy one when we met. 

I just....oh, what was I going to do? How was I going to fix this? How...how....how will I get her too love me again? 

Later, Kris calls me: 

What, Kris?me

Um, I-I Kris

Oh for goodness sake, Kris. Spit it out.me

I'm so sorry about today. I shouldn't have said what I said.Kris

He muttered quietly to himself: I'm such a hypocrite

How are you a hypocrite, exactly? me

Huh? Oh, um, well. You see. Ive been seeing someone else too. Um, he, um, he lives near you.Kris 

So, you're gay?me

Um, yeah. He laughs in disbelief like its the first time he's said it out loud before. I've been seeing this one guy, Andrew...He lives a block away from you and- 

I heard his dad in the background calling him for dinner. 

So, you have to go?me

Yeah, sorry. I'll talk to you later. And he hung up. 

"Um, ok?" I muttered quietly to myself. I can't believe that he's gay. But I guess it made sense. He was always staring at Monsé's ex-boyfriend. I just always thought he was jealous. 

I'm going to have to talk to Monsé about this.....I wasn't sure, but I could've sworn that her ex's name was Andrew.

I'm so sorry I haven't been writing. I had to get a new laptop, and a lot of shit has been happening.