Where love leads us (Sequel of BWYDT)

Chapter 14

Lauren squinted her eyes tightly and massaged her temple with her free hand. There was always something going on, some turn she wasn't ready for, some complication that really wasn't needed at that very moment. This was just another. A loud puff of breath escaped her lips. "So, is this move definite or still just a consideration?"

Michelle shrugged and began turning Lauren's mostly empty beer bottle that was resting on the seat next to her. "I don't know exactly. I mean, she's mentioned it several times and in detail. I always got the feeling that she was trying to figure out what my reaction would be to her actually moving up here."

The older woman sat up straight and sighed, releasing the tension in her shoulders some more. "What are your feelings on it?"

"What are yours?" The question came back to her quickly.

"I-" Lauren laughed lightly and began looking around, almost wanting to get up and start pacing but the anxiety that originally strangled her was gone. They couldn't keep doing this. This back and forth with Ariana. Well, she couldn't. Camila had already found her peace years ago. She knew and accepted that things would never be what she wanted between her and Ariana. It was Lauren who was still struggling, still holding on to her anger. She swallowed around the lump in her throat at the realization. All those years ago when she left Miami, she had drawn a line and stepped over it. She left her anger in the past and worked on creating a new and happier version of herself who spent time reflecting on love and life and not neck deep in tension and resentment. Yet here she was, angry and even a bit bitter about something she had no control over.

Michelle took her pause and internalized it, knowing how most of the tensions between the older women would always be there. Ariana may have questions about bonding with Camila over their love of the stage, but that questioning would never lead to anything more than friendly chatter for a few hours. "I mean, she always said that there would be nothing for her in Miami if I decided to stay here after this year. So, that means if I was to go back to Miami after, she wouldn't come here and you and Camila wouldn't have to deal with all of that again."

Lauren shook her head. "I know what you're doing there. Don't do it."

"I'm just trying to help is all." The younger woman retorted. "I'm kind of stuck in this weird, multilayered... drama. Ariana is my mom. I love her and she raised me, supported me, and loved me my entire life. In my eyes, she's superwoman and has made me who I am. But as I've grown older, I feel that I may not be what she was expecting me to be in the end."

"I think every parent has that issue really." Lauren interrupted. Every parent has dreams and hopes for their children, especially around their relationship. And when those dreams don't line up with reality for whatever reason, for Lauren it was being pregnant at 16 and then being gay, it's sometimes difficult for the parents to let go of their dream and get on the same page with their child with just as much enthusiasm. "I hope you don't feel that you are a disappointment or anything like that to Ari- your mom. I highly doubt that's the case."

Michelle smiled lightly but it faded quickly. "I used to feel that way. And to be honest, I still get that little kick in the gut feeling sometimes. But then I remind myself of different things, like her wanting to be here to be nearer to me, and that changes it usually." It could be layered and not nearly that simple. Michelle wasn't stupid enough to think that her mother would completely uproot herself just to be close to Michelle. There were other draws to the area for her. Like Camila, if she ever did want that common interest chat. She also wondered if her mother would try to get back into Broadway in some capacity. But that was beside the point. "But what I was trying to get at," Michelle returned to her original thought process as she sat forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "Is that I'm stuck in the middle of her and you. Well, not you specifically," she clarified, "But you and Camila. I have always known there has been tension between you. It's obvious sometimes. And now I sort of understand it even more and... I love my mom but I care about you and Camila and I don't want to be the reason for Mom to show up and you and Camila to-"