Worth The Risk (Book 2) [COMPLETED]

Chapter Twenty Seven

VICE

I heard keys jiggling at the other side of the door. Later on the door click and someone push it open. I look up and as expected, I saw her. Her presence made my heart flutter before but seeing her now makes me think about what I saw awhile ago. I'm expecting my heart to clench and hurt but all I feel is..nothing. I felt empty. I saw her confuse expression before I look away. I drank my whiskey and grab the bottle to pour another shot on my glass.

"You're home." I said casually. I can hear my own voice that is void of any emotion.

"Vice? What happened?" I heard her sweet voice and I immediately drank another shot before my heart melt at the sound. Narinig ko ang pagsara niya ng pinto. Nakita ko ang dahan dahan niyang paglapit. I watch her from the corner of my eyes. She look around my messy condo. Everything's a mess. Basag basag ang mga vases at mga picture frames. Baligtad ang mga upuan at ang iba pa nga ay sira na. After destroying everything, I look for my whiskey and drank. Now i'm numb.

"Saan ka galing?" Tanong ko at tuloy tuloy lang sa pag inom. Umupo siya sa tabi ko. Tahimik niya akong tinitigan. Maybe she's confuse and shock while I'm acting this way. Malamang dahil ngayon lang ako naging ganito sakanya simula ng maging okay kami. I always greet her with smile and warm hugs. But her seeing me drinking with a messy condo makes her confuse and maybe a little nervous. I can feel that she's nervous. Nalaman niya na kaya na nahuli ko na siya?

"Anong nangyari? You're scaring me. Dumudugo pa iyang kamay mo." Hindi ko pinansin ang sinabi niya.

"I said saan ka galing?" Madiin na tanong ko. Siguro I'll let her explain. Tatanungin ko siya kung saan ako nagkulang. Kung bakit pinaniwala niya pang mahal niya ako kung si Tom pa rin naman pala ang mahal niya. Tutal wala naman na akong maramdaman susulitin ko na kesa marinig ko ang mga dahilan niya habang sober ako. Baka hindi ko kayanin ang sakit.

"S-Sa condo." Sagot niya. I close my eyes tightly. I slowly let out a sigh.

"I heard cancelled daw yung rehearsal niyo bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?"

"N-Nakalimutan ko s..sorry. Nakatulog kasi ako pagka—" She was cut off when I suddenly throw the glass on the wall. She shrieked and I felt my breathing fasten.

"V-Vice?" Nanginginig na sabi niya. Tiningnan ko siya. Her eyes are wide with shock. Her chin trembling.
"Bullshit Jackie bakit hindi mo na lang ako tapatin, ha?" Walang emosyon na tanong ko. "What are you—"

"Lillies. Tom. Kissing. Ring any bells?" Sabi ko and I saw how her face drained out of color.

"V..Vice. Let me explain..It's not what you think..." She tried to reach out to me but I stood to get away from her touch.

"Go on. Explain. Explain why you lied when you told me you love me. Explain why you let me believe that you love me but the truth is you're still hang up with your ex." Nagsimula na siyang umiyak pero hindi ko magawang maawa dahil wala akong maramdaman.

"I'm not lying to you. You're the one that I lo—"

"Not lying? Ginagawa mo pa akong tanga Jackie? Dalawang beses ka ng nagsinungaling sa akin. Una nung nagpaalam ka na pupunta ka kina Rachel. Tapos kanina. Those times na cinancel mo mga dates natin, nakikipagkita ka sa ex mo, right? Nag enjoy ka ba? What was that saying again: Love is sweeter the second way around? Siguro nag catch up kayo tapos bumalik mga feelings niyo noh? How sweet. Ako pa pala magiging tulay para magkabalikan kayo. Ginamit mo lang ba ako Jackie? Para paselosin siya at balikan ka? Tell me—"

"Oo nagsinunangaling ako pero hindi ako nag sinungaling ng sabihin kong mahal kita Vice! Hindi pa rin ba sapat mga pinapakita ko para malaman mo na ikaw ang mahal ko? Yes we met. At hindi lang ito ang unang beses. And the kiss. He was the one who leaned in. Iyon lang ang nakita mo pero hindi mo nakitang itinulak ko siya kaagad." Napapapikit ako ng mariin ng magbalik sa isip ko ang nakita kong scenario kanina. Nagpatuloy siya.

"Pero hindi dahil mahal ko pa siya o nagchecheat ako sa'yo Vice—"

"If you're not cheating then why do you have to lie?!" I shouted, the alcohol making my emotion on edge.

"Because I was protecting you!" Napatigil ako sa sinabi niya. She's still crying. Hirap siyang magsalita dahil sa sobrang pag iyak pero itinuloy niya pa rin.

"Two weeks ago he went to my condo. He knew about us and he showed me some pictures na magkasama tayo. He threatened me na kapag hindi ako makikipagkita sakanya, ipagkakalat niya sa media ang mga pictures. I got scared na masira ang reputasyon mo Vice kaya pumayag ako. Kapag sinabi ko rin sa'yo ipagkakalat niya ang mga pictures kaya I have to lie to you I'm sorry." Umiiyak na paliwanang niya. Napasabunot ako sa buhok ko. I felt relieved na malamang hindi nagchecheat si Jackie sa akin. But I'm pissed off. Why did she had to hide it from me?

"If you had just told me eh di sana nagawan natin ng paraan. Why'd you have to hide it from me? Paano magwowork ang relasyon natin Jackie kung sinasarili mo ang problema?" Hindi siya nakasagot kaya nagsalita ako ulit.

"Hindi mo ba ako pinagkakatiwalaan?" Mabilis siyang lumingon sa akin at umiling.

"Ofcourse I trust you what kind of question is that." Sagot niya.

"Then why did you solved the problem on your own? Kinailangan mo pang magsinungaling. I get it you want to protect me but I don't care about my reputation Jackie. Mas mabuti pa ngang malaman nila dahil ayoko na rin namang itago." Tiningnan niya ako. Pinunasan niya ang mga luha niya bago magsalita.

"But I do care! Paano kung masira ang career mo? Hindi ako matatahimik na ang pinaghirapan mo ng ilang taon ay masisira lang dahil sa akin Vice."

Napayuko ako at napahawak sa sentido ko. I don't know. Hindi ko akalain na aabot kami sa puntong hindi kami magkakaintindihan. My head is aching but I tried to think calmly.

"I'll announce about our relationship comes Monday."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya.

"What? I told you it could ruin your reputation!"

"And I told you I don't care!" Sabi ko pabalik. "Are you really concern of my career or are you just afraid of what people would think of you? Ganun ba Jackie? Natatakot kang isipin ng mga tao na pumatol ka sa bakla?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth Vice! You know what? You're always questioning my love for you. Simula nung masaktan kita months ago I tried my very best to show you how much you mean to me pero bakit parang kulang pa rin? Bakit parang kailangan kong patunayan na hindi na kita ulit sasaktan?"

"But you still keep hurting me Jackie. You lied. You hid things from me."

"Akala mo ba ginusto ko Vice? Well sorry if I did things on my own na akala ko makakabuti sa atin. Oo na mali na ako. Ako na lang laging mali. Ako na lang laging masama. Ako na lang laging nananakit." She said while crying.

Shit. I curse mentally. Why are things getting worse? Bakit umabot sa ganito na nagsisigawan kami? Fuck. I think we need space to think clearly. I'm under the influence of the alcohol and I can't think straight. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko.

"I think we need space. Alam mong mahal na mahal kita. I've sacrificed so much for you. I've risk it all. I changed myself. My lifestyle. My clothes. For you. I love you so much Jackie but I think you don't trust me enough." Sabi ko sakanya. Tiningnan ko siya. She suddenly stop crying. Pinanood ko siyang punasan ang mga luha niya. Matapos iyon ay tiningnan niya ako. I don't but her emotionless face scared me.

"Siguro nga Vice. We need space. I'm sorry if you feel like I don't trust you enough. Yes I'm wrong about hiding it but I was just trying to protect you. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for hurting you again and again." Napayuko siya pero ibinalik niya rin sa akin kaagad ang mata niya sa akin. There's sadness in her eyes and there's no emotion in her voice. She bit her lower lip and I caught the tremble in her chin.

"Maybe I don't really deserve you. All I did was hurt you. Let's talk when you're ready and sober because listening to you now makes me feel like you regret it. You regret taking risk with me and now you realized that I'm not worth the risk."

I was left dumbfounded with her words. Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Hinayaan ko siyang tumayo. Hinayaan ko siyang maglakad palayo. Hinayaan ko siyang buksan ang pinto. Dapat tumayo ako at habulin siya diba? Pero umupo lang ako at hinayaan siya.

(a/n: ang drama sheet nahirapan ako isulat itong chapter na ito skl)