𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀✔️

FORTYTHREE|GONE

Everything I had once known I thought his wretched world was gone, even the man I used to cling to.

Turned out everything I thought was right was wrong. Time had taught me that Daniel didn't love me. If he loved me then I would never have dared lay a hand on me, Greyson taught me that.

I lay awake in the room that I now shared with Greyson.
Lying awake to wallow in my own self pity and self loathing the whole night..

Greyson lay, fast asleep beside me, a protective arm draped over my waist.
Was I a monster? Was I just as bad as Daniel or Noah now?
A better person would've walked away. Maybe I should've.

The guilt that racked me was like a crippling disease, slowly taking control of my body, destroying everything in its path.
It felt like my heart was incased in thorns, constricting the once supple organ, making it incapable of moving forward.
Incapable of feeling.

The war of raw emotions inside me.
Suffocating me.

I was drowning in my own regret.
The thorns digging their sharp claws deeper into my heart, puncturing the surface, burring themselves deep below my rose petal skin.
They were unforgiving.

Just like the images that plagued my sleep.
The worst part of it all wasn't the hands that tormented me. It was the nights that Greyson awoke in a cold sweat, every night he saw his brother die before his eyes once again at his own hands.
No medicine, no therapy could fix that.

We were both broken in our own ways.
Only difference was, after Noah's death I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Downfall was it was shifted to Greyson's.

I would've taken the pain a thousand times over to save him from his own memories. No one should have to relive that.

It was early, the soft orange hues from the impending sunrise fading gently against the dark star littered sky, the once cool breeze drifting in from the open window was now chilling, making my teeth chatter and my body shiver, wrapping the covers even tighter around myself in an attempt to shelter myself from the cold. I buried myself deeper into Greyson's warmth.

When I still felt the chill I shimmied out from under his arm, carful not to wake him.

I stood up and close the window, but I was still cold, my fingers lingering on the latch.

Still empty.
Hollow inside, vacant of emotions.
I felt nothing.

I wished I felt horrid. I wanted the deep burning grief for Noah. But I couldn't bring myself to regret his death. I regretted everything it brought with it, the nightmares, the cold sweats. But if it came down to it I would kill him again myself.

Some selfish part of me found pleasure in his death. Greyson and I had never been this close. He refused to leave my side and was constantly checking in on me, he gave me every bit of attention that I never even knew that I craved and more.

I was selfish.
I shouldn't think like that.

Long nights turned into shorter nights into shorter days into held months.

Time moved on and so did we, they say time heals all wounds. They didn't lie.

With the hours his voice no longer haunted me,  I no longer felt his touch instead of Greyson's.
Even Greyson's nightmares eased off, he would go days, sometimes even weeks without one.

Life moved on and so did we.
After a while I didn't even stop to think about what had been.

***
Drawing close to the end now :(
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