hatred // malec

fuck school

alec came in the back door, cheeks still flushed and breath still not under control. he had no idea what he'd done, why he'd done it.

and yet he couldn't deny how much he enjoyed it.
how right it felt.

his feelings were stupid. he hated them. they made him so confused. alec was hoping he'd be able to make a quick getaway to his room without being questioned as to why he was later home.

he had only shut his bedroom door when sister dearest isabelle walked in, looking rather distressed.
"alec? i think you'll want to see this," she said, sounding serious.
"what's wrong-" he started, but didn't get out.

new post from @/siahighschoolnews:

caption: Caught these two having a casual makeout sesh! Can you tell who they are? They look awfully like Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, don't they? Tsk tsk, boys! #malecisrealandwearetotallyhereforit

comments (108):

xotaynortonbxo: 👀👀👀 we are!
tiaxsantana_: @/ameliaxsantana_ SIS ARE U SEEING THIS WE CALLED IT
d_arren.good_en: Lightwood's gay? Fr? Damn, ngl would've liked to have known sooner...😉
notyourbitchboybane: this is absolutely not funny, delete this immediately or my lawyer will be in contact

alec swallowed. how the fuck had this happened? how had someone caught them? and how did half their school now know? he only hoped magnus texted him soon.

izzy looked up at him. "will you be okay? do you want me to talk to the account or anything?"
"i appreciate it, iz. but i have to deal with this myself. in the meantime, i have to talk to magnus."

isabelle smiled at her brother.
"alec?"
"yeah?"

"don't break his heart."
and she left. alec was about to try and protest that there was nothing between them, no feelings whatsoever. that the kiss was just a spur of the moment, and that he didn't want to do it again.

but then he thought about it, and the more he thought of it the more he realised the truth.

he was deeply in love with magnus. always had been.

he'd just never accepted himself for who he was and had turned his love into hatred, to stop people suspecting the truth.

all alec wanted right in that moment was to breakdown and cry, cry all night and all day and until his lungs gave out. he felt he was suffocating, like he was trapped without a way out.

he dropped onto his bed, lying on his side with his phone clutched to his chest, feeling a panic attack coming on. just then his mom knocked the door.
"yes?"
"isabelle told me. can i come in, sweetie?"
"please."

maryse padded over to his bed, wrapping her arms around her son in a tight hug. she was so extremely supportive of her son. it was like all the support alec's dad was supposed to have was poured into her. alec loved his mom, more than anything else in the entire world. she was the best.

"do you like him?" was all she said.
"i think so."

maryse tightened her loving grip. "hey, look. maybe it's time you were honest to everyone. maybe you should just, tell the truth. it'll feel better," she said, soothingly.