C A T C H 22 |BWWM|

Ch. 32 • Reset Button

Jackson, MS. March 1944
Thursday, 5:00 pm

Deen

"I know this is gonna' sound really weird, but I'm really happy I met you. It's stupid but I never really knew people like you were around. People who could see past what everyone is saying and throwing at you. It's nice. . . And refreshing. Thank you."

"I just think about you going off and it absolutely breaks my heart. You're a man, I get that, but nothing is like seeing a literal piece of you going off into somewhere you can't be."

"It'll be alright, I can promise you that. Just don't look back or leave anything behind. We'll all be in your hearts. It's not like you can get rid of us anyway."

The voices in the back of my head had managed to push and pull their way through my mind. It wasn't just that bubbly anxiousness that was easy to control, but something that could literally make my heart stop for a second and crack. All the bonds, relations—good or bad—that I had been through.

This country maybe isn't what you thought. War isn't really what you think, I thought. It wasn't like I really had a plethora of choices unless you thought about the not-mentioned-and-talked-about option. When I registered for the draft it was a day for the books. My heart had never beamed with more pride. I don't regret it, I'm just thinking. Thinking about everyone who holds a special piece in my heart. I don't think I can do this.

"Yes you can, and yes you will," I coaxed myself quietly. I was hidden away in my room with these thoughts. "But there's always a way. . ."

Quickly, I stood from my bed and started my typical nervous pace. I had months—or maybe forever—left with family and I wanted to make the best out of it. Thoughts on what I wanted to say, what I wanted to do, what I wanted people to think of me once I had left—if I did.

Then came the counter-voice. Shouting at me all over again to the point where I could've gone deaf just there. I closed my eyes briefly before rushing down the stairs and almost out the door. I caught sight of my mom and stopped shortly.

"Hey Ma, I have to handle something. You mind if I head out?" I asked.

"Uh no, you're fine, baby. Just be home before it gets too dark, Okay?"

"Yep, will do. . . Love you, bye."

I heard her soft reply from the kitchen as I slipped from the door and down the driveway as I jogged. When I finally started my car down the road I could briefly feel the warming, March air around me. A brief, sweet scent lingered in the car from Paislee being in the passenger seat earlier.

Passing streets, buildings, and other staples of Jackson, I made my way north to the end of the city. I knew where I was slowly heading and I couldn't tell if it was the right choice. My destination was slowly—but somehow speedily— coming upon me.

Sink or swim. Do or don't.

"Well haven't been here in forever," I said as I stood in front of the Army Recruiting Center.

° ° °
"I need to talk to Paislee."

I sighed as I remembered that I said I would call her later on, but this day obviously had better plans for me.