Letters to Prince

Letters to Prince, Chapter 15

Facing Life and Its End

Marie sat down at her writing desk and pulled out the valise in which she kept Prince's letters from the bottom drawer. It had been a week since she had read Prince's last letter to her and two weeks since she had last written to him. She had not been feeling well and had been sent for a variety of tests in the last two weeks. She had gotten the outcome of those tests today and the news was not good. But interestingly she was not at all panicked as she had been when her diagnosis was confirmed two years ago. Rather she felt a quiet calm in her heart and spirit. Prince had said he loved her and she knew that she loved him. When this body finally failed, she would see him as well as her God, the Lord Jesus Christ, face to face. She pulled out a piece of blank stationary and began to write to him.

Dearest Prince,

I know it has been a while since I wrote to you and I am so sorry that I have not until today, especially after the beautiful message that was the content of your last letter. I am afraid that I have received some bad news and I needed to think through what actions I would take knowing what I have been told as well as undergo the testing that would confirm or deny those words. I have now made my decision and therefore can talk to you with my mind and heart clear. First Prince, thank you for saying that you love me. I have loved you for so long that to hear that from you is both moving and astounding to me. I am not a celebrity or a great dancer or singer like the women you were known to date. Nor am I the fairest of skin like those that you married. While I have been told that I was pretty, it was not like those that you seemed to gravitate to in your lifetime, so to hear those words directed toward me is both surprising but incredibly welcome. I truly believe that it is just what I needed to hear at this time in my life.

I have told that my disease has progressed to a point where further treatment, while it may slow it down, may be more painful than letting it move forward at whatever pace it chooses to take without treatment. While I did not get the final answer until today, I knew that was a distinct possibility since the time of my notification two weeks ago. I had therefore decided and informed my doctor as of today, that I would seek no more treatment. I will go on for as long as I can as I am, but then will move into hospice for comfort care as the end approaches. While there are no guarantees, I was told to think of about 6 months...good months on my own and then plan to transition into hospice. I will be doing so under the watchful care of my children and grandchildren and I am no longer afraid. I know that my medical team will manage the pain and whatever else comes will come as it should.

I am particularly thankful for your last letter as I know that it has helped me to face this time with little fear or regret. You love me and I hope will be there to greet me as I enter into the light. That has made all the difference. My love for you continues to grow as it has since I first saw your face on my television all those years ago. I don't know if I am sinning, because while knowing that I would see Jesus, whom I love, I am more comforted by the fact that I will see you. If I am, I beg God's forgiveness, but I will not make it worse with a lie. I hope that He will forgive me and I hope that I will be in your company when the end comes.

I love you Prince and thank you for making this difficult time better for me. Despite it all I have something to look forward to that I have wanted for the majority of my life.

Yes Prince, I love you and I always will,

Marie