Origin Of Sin

19. The Flesh or The Shield

CHAPTER 19 THE FLESH OR THE SHIELD

"Jealous." I bit out in understanding.

Von hummed in satisfaction, released his cold hold on my crotch and pulled me to sit tighter on his lap. "Mmm," He murmured, pleased. His voice dripped in his satisfaction, wrapping around my body as the original snake did with Eve- tempting her with knowledge when she wasn't made to know.

"There's a little envy in all of us, Neoma. It's ... human, like your desires," Von's lips brushed against my ear in gentle intentions but all I could feel was the jealous rage.

Von was right. I used shame to subvert my true feelings I couldn't define-jealousy. Sex scared me because of the intimacy I yearned but feared it because of my insecurities. But I hated feeling like everyone had their shit together and I didn't. Everyone was comfortable as they were and I couldn't be. I hate it. I hated them.

I hated me.

I felt cold. The heavy smoke of sex and weed were hot but the truth was frigid. "And do you even want to acknowledge your dilemma with my stupid big brother... or has it already been addressed? Concerning my brother, you-"

"How do I fix it?" I cut him off. I stared off past the couple, past the opening front door, past it all. The deafening music finally went mute. The multicolor strobing light went dark. The heavy, thickening smoke, lifted. I felt like the world was just me and Von. A cold carcass of what it once was. The violet cloud was gone... if there ever was one in the first place. He contained me purely because I let him. I felt... familiarly... weak and brittle.

"What?" Von muttered. His voice the embodiment of the coldness I felt.

"How do I fix it?" I turned to him, still in his lap and grabbed his shirt collars in, probably, hysterical desperation. Our dark dimension provided a single casted light over us, that swung from a force of an unseen pendulum. It revealed his silver hair rooted in ventablack tips. Hair that was long and bundled around his neck. His jaw was sharp like his steely demeanor; eyes were the even colder arctic blue. If I thought Zuemier was cold, Von was the lethal, intergalactic frigidity that haunted aspiring astronauts dreams.

"How.. do I fix me?" I coughed out. My throat burns with unspent tears that threaten to billow out. He must have an answer. He knows so much about me that even I didn't, from a simple touch. I just wanted an answer, a word. A sound that would make feel even a smudge less fallible than I currently felt.

"You want a solution to your problem?" Von scoffed, sarcastic and unfeeling. The bubble around us popped. Heated smoke rushed in to chase off the stale wind. Rainbow strobe lights dominated over the singular bulb and we were no longer alone.

I blinked once, twice and I suddenly felt... normal. The only indicator of the past cold depression was the fuzzy memories of distant conversation and the heavy indent that the depression left on my heart.

I scrambled off of.. of. Christ, what was Hoods name again? I scrambled off of Hoods lap, nearly bumping into a quiet Unai. In a quick glance behind me, I could see the twins, Neveah and the other girl, who I guess was Heaven based off the tattoo on Unai's arm, resting comfortably in his lap while Unai himself gave a very big and unfamiliar blunt a long drag.

I put my attention back on Hood who gave a wiped his hand on his pants before bringing it to his nose to inhale. He stood up, looming over me. I can't remember exactly what I was doing on his lap but I know it wasn't intentional, especially since I wasn't wearing any panties because they were ruined from prior.. expenditures. And if I find out this stranger did some funny business—