Given Up

Chapter 40

My phone rang, bringing me out of my drug fuelled deep sleep. I tried to hold on to the dreams I had been having, they had been so beautiful. The incessant ringing stopped me keeping hold of them. Without looking at who it was, I pressed answer.

"Yeah?"  My voice was croaky. Smoking all that spliff by myself hurt my throat, I wasn't used to it. There was a sigh of relief and then Scott's voice came through.

"Kyle, thank god. Are you ok?"

I sat up and yawned in answer. "Yeah."

"Did I wake you up? Where are you?"

I took in my surroundings.

"I am at the park."

"What park? I'll come and get you."

It came back to me then. Why I was there. Why I had been so out of it that I had fallen asleep on a park bench.

Diego.

My heart started to beat faster and I felt queasy. I was aware then of Scott talking.

"Huh?" I breathed into the phone. There was a pause.

"Are you stoned?"  His voice changed as he hazarded his guess. I could hear him moving: the clink of his keys. I was still tired but the buzzed feeling I had earlier was mostly gone.

"Not enough..." I mumbled. I just wanted to go back to that place of not feeling.

"Kyle, tell me where you are. Let me come and get you."

I didn't want to go home and talk. I didn't want to listen. I just wanted to not think about it.  I closed my eyes and listened to the wind in the trees.

"Kyle, are you still there?" I heard the car engine start on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Is it Keever Park? Is that where you are?" I could hear the beep of his reverse parking sensor. 

"I'm fine. I don't want you to come and get me."

Scott's voice was insistent. "Getting high is not going to help you deal with this. It is not going to help you grieve him."

"But you are?"  I snapped, remembering all the arguments we'd had about him. "You hated him."

I turned off the phone and shoved it in my pocket, pulled myself off of the bench and started walking, to where, I didn't know.

———

After hours outside, the warmth from stepping into the gym suddenly made me realise just how cold I had been. I had been walking for at least an hour, until it was dark out, the beauty of the autumn sunset lost on me. I had taken all the back routes and avoided any of my usual haunts. I didn't want to see Scott and Kate. I couldn't face Cassie. I didn't want to see anyone.

It was Friday evening and as I looked around the gym, I could see it wasn't all that busy.

"Hey Kyle!"

I turned to see Harry at the counter, folding up some towels.

"Oh, hey Harry."

"No Scott?" He looked behind me.

"Um, no, is it ok if I use the punchbag?" I gestured to the empty matted area.

"Knock yourself out." Harry smiled at his own joke, but I didn't have it in me to join in like I normally would have.

I just nodded in his direction before heading directly to the bag. I kicked my trainers off and pulled off my socks. We always went barefoot in Karate and it felt right to me.