My Happiest Memory - Boyf Riends AU -

2.3 How to lose hope

It is defiantly fair to say I've been sulking over the past week. 

Many people have come over, even Chloe coming to visit once or twice - bringing Brooke with her one time. Which was nice, I guess.

I looked through the box - it didn't trigger any more memories. It was just a bunch of meaningless nothings - random photos from parts of my life that I didn't understand. A few inside jokes apparently - most of them including Michael.

Oh right, Michael. That's most of the reason I'm sulking.

It's stupid really, I shouldn't even be sulking, but I just feel so stuck, so cornered. Like I'm playing chess and I've finally ran out of moves and the thought that I'd just have to give up soon and accept a 'checkmate' was finally feeling more and more like a probable option.

That terrified me. Giving up. I didn't want to stop trying to find out who I was - not bothering to at least understand my past. Giving up on the old me, on Michael. It just felt like the only move that I could take.

I must be a very sore loser, but the thing is, I don't want to be the loser - nobody does. Well, at least I must be a very stubborn sore loser.

I'm in a slump. Thank god Chloe is somehow putting up with the fact only come into work on rare occasions. 

With other good news, the hospital got back to me on more information about myself - but I found that I knew it all from what the others had told me so nothing triggered anymore memories.

I was disappointed, to say the least.

I'd completely lost hope.