Fourteen

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Taehyung's father passed away at eight seventeen am without waking. He and his siblings left the room while their mother said her last goodbyes. Eonjin and Jeonggyu stood outside the room, small and lost until Taehyung gathered them gently in his arms and let them sob their grief into his chest. While tears tracked silently down his face, he pressed kisses atop their head.

When his mother finally emerged the two younger ones broke away from him with twin expressions of guilt. He was the pariah, they were not supposed to find comfort in him.

"Thank you for letting me stay. I know it was difficult for you." He said thickly, swallowing down his tears as he addressed his mother. "I'll leave you in peace now. But, if it's alright, I'd like to come to the funeral?"

"Taehyung..." Her tear ravaged face looked further pained.

He'd done that. Hurt her more when she was already grieving. He could be so selfish! "You're right." He nodded jerkily, trying to mask his pain so he wouldn't inflict it on her. "I'll just go."

"Mama!" Eonjin scolded. "Oppa wait..."

But he just gave her a sad smile and shook his head. He turned to leave but his mother's voice called to him. "Taehyung, wait."

He paused, shoulders hunched as he tried to gather all his pain and grief and longing and shove it down into that box inside him where it couldn't hurt anyone else before he turned his head.

"Of course you can come. Eonjin's right. You were his son too. Despite everything. Just..." She paused, seeming to flounder for her next words. "It will be a conservative affair. I trust you'll respect that?"

He closed his eyes at the unspoken implication. Don't embarrass us. Taehyung gave a short, humourless laugh, barely more than a expulsion of breath. "Of course, Eomma." He'd spent most of his life supressing every desire or instinct he'd ever had to fit into his parent's conservative box. Why should that change now?

After the hospital he made his way home. He didn't know why he'd packed clothes. He didn't have money for a hotel and he should have known better than to think he'd be welcome in his old family home. Still, things could have been worse. Not by much, but they could have. 

He stumbled into his apartment, exhausted from grief and lack of sleep. He took a minute to send and email to his professors and the university administrators explaining his position and asking for a week's compassionate leave. Then he rang Mrs Kim.

"Taehyung, this is unexpected. How can I help you?" She must have been at work.

"Mrs Kim, I'm sorry to bother you but I won't be able to make our next few appointment. I umm.. My.. M-my f-father..." He cleared his throat. "My father passed this morning."

"Oh Tae, I'm so sorry." She murmured sympathetically.

"Thank you. Um, can you let Jeongguk know? Tell him I'm sorry. I'll make it up to him."

"Nonsense, he'll be fine. You take all the time you need, ok?"

He was glad she was so confident but Taehyung wasn't so sure. But he would be useless to him as he was.

"Thank you, Mrs Kim." He murmured before hanging up.

Then he staggered to his bed, barely managing to kick off his shoes before he fell atop it and sank into a slumber so deep not even dreams could find him.

When he awoke it was to complete darkness, his phone buzzing atop his bedside and for a moment he thought the past twenty four hours had been some kind of awful dream. But when he answered the phone to the cold, business tones of his father's personal attorney he knew it had been all too real.

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