All I've Ever Wanted (Rough Draft)

Chapter 15 (Charlotte)

A full week he had been in the hospital. Who is he to you? That was the question I had been asking myself for the past week. Everyday after work, I went to the hospital, when I couldn't find a sitter I brought Auggie and put him in the hospital's playroom, and I say with him. It didn't seem strange to the doctors. I was grieving wife hoping her husband woke up, when in reality I was no one. I was a girl he made a pass at, and I told him to stay away. I couldn't have felt guilty about that.

I went to church and prayed with Ms. Beverly about Kyle. I wanted him to wake up. I knew in my gut, that someone out there loved him, and would want him to hold on. I glanced over his tattooed and bandaged body in the bed. He was lucky. He had a couple of leg fractures and one in his arm. They were just waiting for the swelling in his brain to go down and it was possible he would make a full recovery. If he would wake up. The longer he was in a coma, the more things could take a turn for the worst. That was what they reminded me everyday. They wanted me to talk to him like a loving wife would.

I looked at him, still unsure what to say to this total stranger that I somehow felt connected to, or guilty about for some odd reason. I mostly tried to put his story together by his tattoos. The two most prominent ones were on free his arm. The initials M.D. wrapped around the side of his top of his arm. His wife maybe? or the ex wife he spoke of. It was possible she was still his wife because the letters were part of a large art piece, with a cord wrapped around it, and laced in the wire was an odd looking key. At least that was what it looked like. I had never seen anything like it, but it looked like a key with a winged top that had numbers on it. Then under that there was the soldier silhouette that read, My Soldier. My Hero. My Fallen Brother. Was he in the service? He had a brother in the service at least, or a really close friend. Maybe even a lover. They were obvious pieces of his puzzles that taunted me.

I finally surrendered and just surrendered and sat down in the chair next to bed, held his hand and laid my hand next to his. "Kyle, don't know you are, but someone needs you to fight." I whispered as I slid my other hand against his cold cheek, "You need to fight." I tugged the sheet and the afghan that Ms. Beverly brought up to his chin. I was going to get up and leave. I heard the soft playing of a familiar song on the intercom, "First time ever I saw your face" I smiled at my parent's wedding song. I could see my father rocking my mother in our family kitchen rocking and my mother with her beautiful voice singing to my father. They were the love story that people dreamed about, I accepted that I would never have that, but that was always what I dreamed about if I ever did. Before I knew it, I was singing softly to Kyle my heart heavy and full. I hadn't sang in years but if it would help than that was a good thing.

"That was beautiful," I jerked up noticing Mateo looking at me from the door.

I was waiting for something else smug to come out, in Mateo fashion but he said nothing. I swallowed, "It's music therapy."

He leaned his bulky figure against the frame of the door, "I just didn't know you could sing like that."

I rolled my eyes and shrugged dismissively, "The doctor says he can hear, I just thought it would work. Clearly it didn't."

"It might."

I grit my teeth, "What do you want, Mateo?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, "I just came to check on you."

I rolled my eyes.

"Regardless what you think, Char. I care about you." He sighed, "Look, I talked to the doctor. He may not wake up. He may even be a vegetable by now."

I grunted knowing how good it felt for him to say that, "He still doesn't deserve to die alone."

His eyes narrowed, "You don't get it do you?" He growled, "As his wife, that gives you the power of attorney. That's going to be your choice."

Something hit the bottom of my stomach, "What are you trying to say."

"I don't want you to feel guilty," He hesitated.

"What are you trying to say?"

His brown eyes grew big, "I just don't want," he paused.

"Spit it out."

"I don't want you to have another break down over this guy. Your son, Auggie needs you."

I knew what he was saying and it made my chest tight and I hated Mateo from bringing that up. "I'm fine," I huffed, "I'm stable, and I'm not leaving my son. I had a break down. One break down."

"Two." He shot me a look of disdain holding up two fingers, "That's what he told me anyway

Rolled my eyes hating I knew who he was talking about. Hating he even knew about that. "That's none of your fucking business."

His head fell, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I won't."

"Why don't you just take your son home, and I'll stay here."

I shook my head, "You have the bar."

He smiled, "Faith can hold down the fort."

"Why the hell didn't you just send her?"

I noticed his jaw shift as he scratched the dark stubble on his chin, "Julio sent me."

"You told that ass about Kyle?" Harsh words for the man that had helped me when I was stranded in South America pregnant with Auggie. If it wasn't for him...my mind trailed back. I didn't want to think about what would have happened if I didn't run into him. Maybe I owed him respect, but I still couldn't forgive him for leaving me stranded in this hell. Or maybe it was my fault, but the fact that Julio and Mateo talked as much as they did...about me. I hated it. I wanted to move on with my life. The two meant well but for 4 years of my life they had played the gate keepers to everything I did here. If anything made me feel trapped it was them.

"He wants me to let you know that he's still here for you."

"I don't need his help." I stood and placed my hands on my hips, "I need him to do what he promised me and stay out of my life."

He shrugged, "Don't shoot the messenger. I'm just relaying a message."

"Well, now you can leave." I flapped a hand at him, "You don't have to worry about another break down, or anything like that."

His eyes softened as I got close to him, "I hope so for your sake."

After I watched Mateo walk away, I plopped in the chair again. I hated that Mateo might have been right. It may have been me that had to pull the plug. I shook out of it. If that had to be done, than I would. Kyle couldn't die alone. I stayed until visiting hours were over and took Auggie home for dinner, then he had a bath, and went to bed. I sat up in my bed that night hating that Mateo had to come. I wondered if he would pass away in the night, alone.

I prayed about it but that didn't stop me from worrying. "Just don't let him die alone." I said to myself and tried to drift off to sleep.