Closer (Negan X OC)

Chapter 12

A/N: Sorry for the slow updates! I mainly post this on Tumblr. Follow me at ruinedbynegan if you want to see more faster :)

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, you can gloat all you want," I said, knowing that he would once he turned back into his human form. Which reminded me—

"Don't turn," I commanded. "I'm not ready for that yet."

He gave a very wolffish and Negan like shrug and sat down in front of me, waiting for me to speak. And I stood there dumbfounded, feeling nearly incapable of forming any coherent thought. I hadn't planned this. I came here tonight, knowing that I wanted to find him. But now that he was in front of me, like this no less, I didn't know what to say. I hadn't really given much thought to how I felt about him. I couldn't deny my attraction to him, but I didn't know how to act on it. Feeling so drawn to someone was completely foreign to me. My wolf started to wake up from her slumber, knowing in that moment what I needed. She gave me a burst of confidence, that was enough for me to continue.

I found myself moving closer to him, sitting down and crossing my legs, leaving a familiar distance between us. Although he was still looming over me, I felt comfortable enough to say what was on my mind. I took a deep breath, looking up into his eyes and started to speak.

"I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why after six weeks, I decided to come and find you. Shit, I don't even know what, if anything, I want to happen now. I don't understand what I'm feeling. I just..." I paused, trying to find the right words. "I needed to be near you," I concluded. And it was true. After going without him for so long, I realized how much I had missed his presence. Maybe I even craved it.

He hadn't moved an inch since I started speaking. Even now, he remained stoic and upright, as if he was contemplating what I said. In a swift movement, he moved closer to me, now standing directly in front of me. I didn't move away, deciding that if I really wanted to figure out what this was, I would have to fully commit myself, letting it happen. He was so close I could smell him...he smelled like nature, like dirt and trees. But somehow, I could still smell his characteristic scent that had driven my senses wild when we first met. He stood in front of me, unmoving, and if I wouldn't have already known he wouldn't hurt me, I would have thought otherwise. He moved his head closer to me, his snout now just a few inches from the base of my neck.

And then I felt an incredibly hot tongue lap at my neck, causing me to squeal. He fucking licked me!
Scooting back, I glared at him, although I could see the amusement in his eyes. "Real mature, Negan," I scolded him. But the look on his face, even as a wolf, was priceless. The next thing I knew, I found myself laughing, a real and genuine laugh. He grinned at me, looking completely satisfied with the hot trail of saliva down my neck. When my laughter ceased, I spoke again.

"No tongue," I warned, wiping away the saliva and rubbing it on my jeans. Negan was completely beside himself. Even as a wolf, he somehow maintained his lighthearted nature.

I sighed and looked away, letting my gaze go up to the stars that had fascinated me for years. As I got lost in the patterns of them, I started getting lost in my own mind.

What did this mean? Why am I feeling this way? Is it the mating bond that's pulling me to him? Is it the childhood story of Greats that is manifesting itself in front of my eyes? I closed my eyes, the feeling of the air on my face allowed me to focus on something other than the primal sensation of Negan coursing through my veins.

But he was so much more than that, more than a sensation. He had been nearly my every thought for the last few weeks, that overnight dream that replayed in my head when I woke. Even before, on that night that we met, the night he asked me to be one of his wives...the notion was ridiculous, however, I couldn't deny that I felt something when I was with him. But I wasn't sure what it was just yet.
I made my decision. For the last six weeks, I had been in denial that I felt anything for him. I had been trying to run from my every thought of him. Sitting here now, I realized that I wasn't scared of him—I was scared of myself. Of letting myself go. Of letting myself be...more. Somewhere along the way, I had convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of a real life. But since Negan...I had started to doubt everything that I believed as truth. And now I realized it was never truth, it was always a false belief that had become ingrained in my identity. I knew deep down that I was ready to let it go. To kill the notion that I didn't deserve to live.

I don't know the exact moment that I found myself laying on the ground, my eyes growing heavy and my body tired from the hike I took to find him. And I don't know exactly when I found a warm presence laying down next to me. I just knew that for once in my life, things felt like they were coming together. Like I was finally on the path that would take me to where I needed to be. And where I wanted to be.