Closer (Negan X OC)

Chapter 20

As John Green once wrote, "my thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations." His words completely summed up my current state of mind. My thoughts were as scattered as the stars, not quite connecting as they once did. A meteor had shot across my sky, illuminating everything and bringing some kind of vibrancy to the life I once felt was mundane. That meteor was Negan. He had changed everything.

As I laid in bed still reeling from my encounter with him last night, I found myself reflecting on every moment of it. The deep tenor of his voice, his scent, that sparkle of life in his eyes...I had finally reached the point where I could admit to myself that I was extremely attracted to him. Not just my wolf, no I was attracted to the enigmatic Negan. He had promised me thirty days of him, but somewhere deep down, I knew that it wouldn't take thirty days for me to admit my feelings to him. Negan had made a wager that he had unknowingly already won.
Still, that didn't mean that I couldn't have any fun with this. I intended to hold out as long as possible, not wanting to make this easy for him. And I still had a challenge of my own.

I had promised Negan that I would be myself, and I intended to keep that promise. In return, I wanted him to be himself and I knew that was easier said than done. Breaking down Negan's walls hidden behind layers of his charismatic persona would prove to be a challenge. But I was up for it. I wanted to know who Negan really was, the life he lived before he became the alpha. I wanted to know all of him.

Sighing and looking at my clock to see it was past 12 in the afternoon, I decided I better get out of bed. Tonight was the start of it all, the first night that I would spend with Negan. We hadn't worked out the specifics of our deal, but I knew that he would surely have a plan for the next month. I had plans of my own too.

I got out of my bed and walked down the hall to the living room and was immediately floored by the traces of Negan's scent that still lingered in the room. Whiskey, leather, nature...Negan. It was all so alluring and arousing to me. Clearly, I already had it bad for him. He didn't even have to be in the room for me to be so affected by him. I was so wrapped up by his scent that I didn't notice my brother sitting on the couch, already drinking a beer and scrolling on his phone. He was already looking at me with an all knowing smile that I wanted to smack off his face.

"So..." he started. "How'd it go last night?"

I shrugged, a part of me not wanting to make it a big deal. "It went," I replied simply.

Cameron raised his eyebrows. "And?"

"And...I'm seeing him again tonight."

He let out a wolf whistle. "You go, Carson! Get your Great."

I couldn't help but giggle at his response. "Seriously Cam, what makes you so sure that Negan's my Great anyway?"

He leaned forward on the couch, propping an elbow on his leg. "I think you forget that I've known you your entire life. And I've never seen you so into someone before. Hell, I've never seen you into anyone for that matter. And should I dare say that the sexual tension between you two is—"

"Cam, I'm not having this talk with you!" I said, cutting him off. My brother's analysis of my relationship with Negan was humorous to say the least, but I did not want to have that talk with him.

"Suit yourself," he said. "But seriously Carson, you like him."

I deflected his comment, turning the conversation around. "Do you like him?" I asked, honestly wanting to know what Cameron thought of Negan. He was my only family and for some reason, his approval for my potential suitor still mattered to me.

"Well...yeah, I do. I think he's a cool guy. He's funny. And I never would have thought you had a thing for older guys," he said, making me blush. "And...it's obvious that he cares about you."

I shook my head. "I'm not sure if Negan's the type to care, Cam." And I wasn't sure, which only contributed to my reluctance towards opening up to Negan.

"I think he's the type of guy that acts like he doesn't care, when in reality, he cares a whole lot."

I thought over my brother's words. It definitely made sense.

"I don't know. But I want to know him, know what he's really like. I'm just not sure if he'll let me in."
Cameron pondered for a moment. "You got to give him a reason to let you in. Show him you're not going anywhere, that he can trust you. But at the same time, make sure he's doing the same for you."

"Thank you, Dr. Drew," I replied, humor apparent in my voice. Truthfully, I appreciated all of the advice my brother had given me on Negan, because I had no idea on how to decipher the man.

"Smartass," he muttered. "Oh, and I'm going to Ash's tonight, so you and Negan will have the entire house to yourselves..." he trails off suggestively.

I groaned. "Cameron, enough with the innuendos, please!"

My brother shrugged and went back to his scrolling. I decided that I would take it easy today, do some laundry, clean up the house, and binge something on Netflix. I went through the motions of my chores, allowing their mundanity to drown out my insecurities about tonight, about myself. I didn't know what the next thirty days would bring. I just knew that no matter how nervous I was, somewhere deep down, I was ready for it. Ready for Negan.