He Went Out On A Chariot Of Fire

He Had A Plan

"Um... I'm Arizona. I'm, uh... Ronnie's sister." I looked out at the black-clad people. "His younger sister." There was Jacky, and Ron, and Derek, and Ryan. "He was a great guy. Really. I know... We all know he did some bad things when he was younger. Uh, I'm not gonna go into detail." Dad and Anthony were there, too. "What matters is the good things. There's the, uh, big age gap between us. Nine years. So he would pass on wisdom to me. I was grateful for that. And..." I started tearing up as I saw Max Green. "And he's made an impact on all of us. I know I can never speak to my brother again, but... But..." I managed to get this next part out. "I have his voice recorded on two albums, and I couldn't be any... Any more grateful for that. I have a... A piece of... Of Ronnie... Forever."
I stepped off the altar as Anthony made his way up. Holding back my sobs, I made it to the bathroom before throwing up. I sunk against the wall and held my knees to my chest. I heard a knock, and then Jacky came in. "Arizona-"
"Don't." I whispered. "I don't want you guys to see me like this."
"It's just me, and I won't tell anyone." For the first time, his English accent wasn't comforting.
"It's my fault he's dead." I sobbed.
"No, no, it's not, there was another driver-"
"He was teaching me how to drive."
"Oh, it's still not your fault." Jacky sat down next to me. He went to give me a hug but I flinched away. "It's not your fault. It's the other guy's."
"Ronnie died that day." I managed. "It was my fault. And all I got in return was stabbed with a piece of glass."
"In the stomach." He got his arm around my waist. "But it's still not your fault, okay?"
"I'm the reason my brother is dead, Jacky. I'm the reason me and Anthony don't have a brother. I'm the reason our dad has one less child. I'm the reason you guys don't have a fucking singer, and I'm the reason you guys lost a friend!"
"Arizona, it's okay." He managed to get both his arms around my shaking body. "I'm going to keep saying it until it sinks in. You did not kill Ronnie."
"Get Max." I whispered as I realized something.
Jacky didn't question me and ran off. A minute later, he came back with the bass player from Escape The Fate. "What's wrong?" Max asked, sitting next to me.
I was incoherent at this point. It took them several minutes to figure out what I was trying to say.

I was a ghost
I was there at the scene
As the embers rise, my hands
Smelled like gasoline

You're the only one that wore your seatbelt
We're the only ones that cried
Catastrophic accident
You're the only one that died

"No." Max said simply. "You did not kill Ronnie."
"But I did. All I got was this in return." I lifted up my shirt to expose the bandage covering the stab wound. Ronnie died a week ago, this day. We buried what was left of his body. "And an empty apartment, and I can't pay rent because it's so expensive. And I'm going to therapy, hospital visits, and I can't drive there because I don't trust myself. I sure as hell can't pay for the shit because I'm broke and I can't ask Dad or Anthony to pay for it."
"We'll help you." Jacky said quietly. "We can organize people to get you to therapy and the hospital. Someone can move in with you, get a roommate."
"But they're not Ronnie, and I don't want some stranger."
"Craig's been apartment hunting-" Max started.
"Fuck no."
"Ryan's been looking." Jacky chimed in. "He's not a stranger."
"O-Okay."
"Okay."
I exhaled shakily. "I have to sort through Ronnie's stuff. Get it out of our... My apartment."
"We'll help with that too."
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course." Max kissed my hair. "Come on. We should go back."
They helped me stand up. I splashed water on my face. Thank God for waterproof eyeliner, right? Slowly, we walked back to the service. I sat next to Anthony. "You okay?" He whispered.
"S-Sure."
He squeezed my hand. "It'll be okay."
"I hope so."
"And now," the officiate said. "We have a tribute to Ronnie by his band."
Walking up, carrying their instruments, was Falling In Reverse. Jacky and Derek had their guitars. There was a drum set already up for Ryan. Max walked up, too. He stood where the singer would be. Oh. Max was singing. Jacky cleared his throat. "We. Uh... We wanted to do something to commemorate Ronnie's memory, so we're playing a couple songs. Max is singing and Ron's playing bass here, and, well..."
Derek took the next part. "We're performing a couple songs. The first one is called Sink Or Swim. The second one is an unreleased track we had been working on for the next album. Uh, it's called Fashionably Late. Ronnie wrote this a couple weeks ago. So... Yeah. There's not much of anything but lyrics, but... It's a song. The last one he wrote."
"Did you know about this?" I asked Anthony.
"Yeah. I did."
"Why didn't I?"
"It was a surprise."
"And the last song is called The Day I Left The Womb."
I bit my lip. That was about our family. I had asked Ronnie not to include me in it, I didn't want a song about me. "Oh, God."
They performed Sink Or Swim. Max's voice suited it. Then came Fashionably Late. It was about a guy who cheated on a girl with her friends. Understandable, this was Ronnie's song after all. Then came The Day I Left The Womb.
Max walked off stage and offered his hand to me. "I want Arizona to come sing with me. She has a wonderful voice, and it's a song about her family."
I reluctantly accepted it and followed him on stage. Jacky and Derek started playing guitar. "M-Mother... Where are you today? You took a piece of me the day you went away." Max and I started, me stuttering on the first word. "No recollection nor the smell of your perfume. I took a piece of you the day I left the womb." I paused. Guitar interlude. "Brother, put your needles down. The best thing for you is to leave this awful town. Pretty soon, you'll have kids to feed. If you see Mother, tell her I can sing."
Max did the next part, alone. I couldn't sing it. "Please don't worry, I am doing fine. You're much too busy to even find the time. So use your chemicals and take this to your grave. The boys you left are men you didn't raise."
Jacky did the guitar solo. I was back in. "And Daddy, how are you today? You must be proud of the kids that you have raised. Your withered heart, and everything it's seen. Your cuts and callouses, you had kids to feed. You had kids to feed."
I was gonna do the next part. Alone. I motioned to Max. He nodded. "Please don't worry, I am doing fine. You're much too busy to even find the time. So use your chemicals and take this to your grave. The boys you left are men you didn't raise."
Ryan looked over. "I didn't know you could scream like him."
I nodded. "Ronnie taught me."
"You're good." Max said quietly.
I walked back to my seat and sat through the rest of the memorial service, feeling numb.